Switzerland Under Siege
by VeroniqueC
Summary: In this story, Bella has to come to grips with the fact that she is very much in love with two very different and often times, very dangerous, "men". There will be alternating stories between Jacob and Edward. Enjoy peoples!
1. First Beach Memoirs

**A/N: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I own the hot wolf-sex. Yeah. ...:grin:...**

**Bella confronts Jacob at First Beach and it will never be the same... Lemon! Jacob/Bella Even though, technically, it IS Bella, I didn't use her name within the story, so you could imagine that you, the reader, are the one getting sexed up... ENJOY!**

**Chapter One: First Beach Memoirs  
**

The briny breeze from the ocean blew in and settled around his enormous sulking frame, as he rested lazily in the sand. One of his arms rested heavily on the trunk of the uprooted tree. Of course, he had on no shirt, so the light from the moon shone on his russet skin like a shine on a star. His face was tilted upward and a look of intense concentration set his features in a beautiful scowl. I couldn't help but feel sorry for him.

I stood back against the sign reading "First Beach" near the parking lot and watched him. He was like a statue at one moment and then fidgety like a small child the next. I smiled as I remembered him, not even a year ago, all skinny and awkward. With his long hair and boyishness. Smiling from ear to ear whenever I came around. I didn't want to admit it to myself, but I felt the tiniest of butterflies even then. The smile slowly faded from my lips as my confliction came rushing back to me.

I stared at his shirtless form, the bulky muscles bulging from his biceps. Even from this distance I could see the waves along his abdomen, perfectly cut and defined. I took in an involuntary shaky breath and pushed back the thought that came into my mind.

"Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to come over at some point?" He called out hastily.

"Wha…?" I opened my mouth to protest my shock.

"I could smell you a mile away."

My mouth snapped open and shut as the realization of my knowledge of what he was came back to me. "I sometimes forget that your nose is supernatural," I called back, making my way over. The reason for his fidgetiness was now apparent. I had a bad feeling.

"I sometimes forget that you stink."

"Excuse me, sir, but I do not stink." I said jokingly as I approached, kicking up a little sand in his direction.

"You smell like them," He mumbled as he wiped the sand away, not even cracking a smile.

I bit my bottom lip to try to think of something comforting to say. I fell short, "I'm sorry."

"Whatever. I'm used to it." He muttered with a shrug.

I took my seat next to him in the sand and realized that I still had to look up in order to see his face. "Did you get bigger? Or did I shrink?"

He looked down at me almost incredulously, a small smile playing at his lips. "Well, you are sitting in sand. So I couldn't say."

"No… I think you've gotten a bit bigger," I jested, poking him in his arm. It was quite solid and my finger bent under the pressure. "See… You almost broke my finger."

"What are you doing here?" He asked bluntly, killing my idea of easily sliding into the conversation.

I retracted my finger and put my hands in my lap. I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth and bit at it again as I tried to find another way to say what I needed to say to him. The nervousness in my belly started it to rumbling a bit, so I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them.

"Well, are you going to answer, or what?" He asked impatiently.

"Hey! Okay… jeez, want to give me_time_ to answer?" I chided him. He fell silent and cut his eyes away to stare out over the ocean. I could feel the tension in the air between us. It was nothing like it used to be and it hurt to my core. I stared down at my hands and took a deep breath. "I know that we've talked about… this, or something like this before. But something's been kind of bothering me. I'm not entirely sure what or why it is. And I can't really talk to... Edward about it. I know that he'll understand, but then again it's awkward. And I don't really know how he would handle it. Or how I'd handle it telling it to him…" I let my sentence trail off because I realized that I was rambling. I looked up at him and noticed that he was looking at me with confused and scrutinizing eyes.

"And what makes you think that I'll be okay with you talking to me about… whatever it is?"

"I don't…" I answered hesitantly. I closed my eyes in frustration and slapped my hand over my face. I felt the pinpricks of tears welling up in my eyes.

"Look," He sighed, placing a hand on my back. "You can tell me. I've heard worst things, I'm sure…" The way his voice trailed off, I automatically knew what he meant and started to feel even worse. But I pulled myself together and pushed on…

"It's about that day on the mountain. When I asked you to kiss me. I had a small, kind of vision. Not really a vision, per say, but I saw something, something that could have quite possibly been our future together. I saw us hanging around here and our… children running around…" I said it all in a stammering, stumbling rush, while looking everywhere but at his face. I could hear his somewhat broken breathing, and I knew that if he was crying, there would be no stopping my own tears.

"Wow…" He breathed heavily. "Wow…"

"Yeah," I agreed for a lack of better words. I sat impatiently waiting for him to say something else. But then I realized, what _could_ he say to that? His eyes glazed over a bit, glistening in the moonlight. Without warning, he lowered his face to mine.

"We could have that," He breathed urgently. His hands found their way to my shoulders. The heat from his touch instantly seeped through my skin. "We could have anything we want, together."

"Jacob," I murmured, closing my eyes. I sighed deeply and felt those feelings of regret creep up and plant themselves in me. Slowly, I shook my head. "I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, you were right to tell me! Because I know now that you want the same things that I do. We can make this work."

"Jake, really, it's not that simple. I _don't_ want the same things as you."

"You want children. You want to have a family, a semi-normal life."

I couldn't argue with him there. I did want a family… children. But those things, including the semi-normal life weren't possible with Edward. I just shook my head again.

"You're telling me you don't want that?" He asked, disbelief saturating his tone. His hands fell away from my body and he crossed his arms over his very broad chest.

"I… I do want that Jacob, it's just not possible."

"Why can't it be possible? Why is it that you have to sacrifice your wants? Your needs? Your _LIFE_ just to be with him? I don't understand it." On the word "life" he threw his hands in the air. I saw the slightest tremble of anger ripple through him.

"I love him…" I whispered. I felt my heart pang and my eyes instantly flooded with tears. He was right. And by my show of emotion he knew that I knew that he was right. My plan is to give up everything to be with Edward. _But Edward is your everything. _The thought rippled through my mind, slightly easing the realization.

"Enough to give up your soul?" Jacob asked solemnly, his expression dour.

I gulped and took a deep breath. I nodded slowly. Uncertainty pressed it's way into my mind, but the beating of my heart sent my head to nodding with it's rhythm, speeding it up. A show of a decision being made.

Jacob's face clouded over with disgust. "Then go be damned with him." He growled. With exceptional grace, his large body was up and he was walking away.

With the grace of a drunken madman, I was up on my feet and stumbling through the sand and across the rocks to run after him. I should have just let him walk away, but anger was clouding my better judgment. "'Go be damned with him?!'"

"That's what I said," He replied not even bothering to turn around.

"How could you say that to me?" I stopped in my tracks. My emotions were getting the best of me. I didn't know how to react. Mainly because I was secretly scared that he was right. What if I will be "damned"? What if I did lose my soul, as Edward fears I will? A deep sob escaped my lips.

Jacob was a few feet ahead and turned back to see my body tremble with anger, sadness, and fear. I couldn't stop my lips from shaking and the tears began to flow relentlessly. I saw the switch from anger to annoyance to regret. He sighed deeply and was back at my side with two long strides. "I'm sorry." He whispered gathering my shaking frame into his large arms.

At first I tried to fight him, and then realized it's where I wanted to be and let him embrace me. The tears kept coming as he smoothed my hair down, whispering his apology again. "I. Just. Don't. Know. What. To. Do." I said with a sob on each word. My body was suddenly airborne and I was being cradled against his warm chest. I could feel him walking, but I couldn't see where. I turned my face to try to observe.

Jacob reached the tree that had come to be ours and sat down on it, with me in his lap. "Listen… I was upset. I still am. But, I _am_ sorry that I hurt your feelings."

"It's okay," I whispered after the sobbing died down a bit. I wiped my face with my sleeve and took another deep breath. I needed to clear my head, so that I could think clearly. I still knew that he was right, but I also knew of my intense love for Edward. I knew that if he could, he would die for me, so I felt it only fitting that I be willing to do the same for him, technically. But then here was Jacob, holding me in his warm arms, watching and comforting me, and loving me despite everything. Jacob with his blood flowing freely through his veins and his warm beautiful full lips...

I was only slightly surprised when I found my hands sliding up his arms and onto his shoulders. He, on the other hand, was completely surprised, his eyes grew wide and his mouth fell open. But I assumed that the look on my face stopped his words. Cautiously, his arms wrapped tighter around me, pulling me closer to him.

My eyes concentrated on his lips, as my hands trailed up to his face. I slowly pulled his down to mine. I wasn't sure what I was doing, or why I was doing it, but my breathing sped up as the utter desire to kiss him and the hesitation met up in my chest.

He looked deeply into my eyes, trying to find a rhyme or reason to my sudden actions. I was sure he found none because I wasn't aware of it myself. He opened his mouth again to question, but was unable to.

My lips melded with his as my hands snaked into his unkempt mass of hair. Our tongues touched and tangoed and our breathing became erratic. His hand traveled up to the back of my head and held me fast to him. In my mind, I knew that he did it to keep me there. But I knew that he had no need to, because I wasn't even thinking of pulling away.

My heart seemed to melt and my mind became at ease as we sat there under the stars. With his strong arms around me, I felt light as a feather and knew that I wasn't ready for the weight to return to me. I wrapped my arms more securely around his neck and pressed my chest closer to him.

I could feel his heart beating against me and my mind whirled. _This is wrong, this is so wrong._ I broke the kiss and braced my head against his hand. "Jacob…" I started, but I saw the desire in his dark eyes and the rest of my sentence caught in my throat, no longer aware of what I was even going to say.

"I need you." He whispered against my lips between butterfly kisses. "Please…"

The whirling in mind fell away to a waterfall of need. I could hear the waves crashing against the shore and his heavy breathing. The look on his face caved in my hesitation and I pressed my lips firmly to his again. Without breaking the kiss, I readjust myself on his lap, straddling him.

I felt his hand slide down and cup my bottom and push me closer to him. His hand stayed there and squeezed. I ran my fingers through his hair and then gripped tight, yanking back a bit, he didn't move an inch, but I felt the growl rumbling in his chest.

I yanked again a little harder and this time he complied with my silent demand. I traced kisses along his bottom lip, down his chin, along the scruff on his jaw line, and then on his throat and neck. My teeth skimmed his skin there and I bit down softly. Instantly, I felt him tense and draw back.

The look in his eyes became hard to decipher. I furrowed my brow in confusion and ran back in my head what had just happened. I saw a range of different emotions fill his face, until it landed on one: disgust. And I realized what I did. His hands loosened around me, but he didn't let go.

I sat back and looked at him with what I was sure was a mixture of embarrassment and an apology. An awkwardness passed between us that was filled with our silence and the sound of the water behind me. I cleared my throat and rested my hands on his chest, my fingers drummed there as I tried to think of something to say. But I knew deep down that I didn't want to _say_ anything. "Um… I'm sorry."

"I don't know why it shocked me," he said with a bitter laugh. "You have been making out with a bloodsucker."

The mention of his stupid nickname for Edward just threw everything into perspective. "Right," I said as I made my move to get off of his lap. "Well, I'll see you later."

But his grip on my waist tightened again. "Don't leave. I'm sorry. I overreacted."

"No, no need to be sorry. I'm the one that's sorry. I shouldn't have come here and I shouldn't have told you anything." I struggled to loosen his hands so that I could get off of his lap. But realized yet again that I was fighting a losing battle. He could keep me here forever if he wanted, or at least until Edward came looking for me.

Suddenly, his hand flew up and caught my chin. His face once again filled with the look that it held seconds ago. His eyes were heavy with a lust I didn't expect again so soon. "When I said I needed you. I meant it. That hasn't changed."

"For you at least," I said, continuing my struggle to be released.

"You either," He cooed, kissing my bottom lip. I felt his hand on the small of my back again. I felt it move down and then slip into the back of my jeans.

"Don't do that," I warned, against his lips. But he didn't stop. He pulled me closer and then leaned in, his lips still touching mine, but not kissing me. I could smell the husky scent of him mixing with the salty air, invading my nostrils, I took a deep breath. I felt his hand sliding in, down and over my buttocks until he delved into my most sensitive of places. "Don't..." I urged, squirming to get him to stop. But all it did was create a sensation that I most _definitely_ didn't want to stop.

"Mmm, I knew it," He groaned, as his fingers felt the moisture that gave me away. I instantly felt a rush of excitement as his own grew beneath me.

"Jacob, please…" I breathed. But my hands were no longer fighting him as his fingers found my now throbbing bud. My own fingers dug deep into the skin on his shoulders.

"Please, what?" He asked. His lips were still just inches from mine. I could taste his breath, making me lick my lips. He pressed his chest against mine and looked deep into my eyes. I couldn't speak. His nose grazed mine. I didn't know what to say. "Please… what?" He asked again.

I couldn't take anymore. My hands flew up and grabbed his face, pulling him in for another kiss. I felt hungry and insatiable, filled to the brim with desire and the expectation of a release. My lips moved with that hunger and my every thought was now focused on him. My every whim concentrated on getting him out of those ragged pants and inside of me.

His hand came up from out of my jeans to remove my shirt. I broke the kiss and sat back again to look at him while I began to move my hips in a sensual rhythm, grinding against him as he quickly yanked my shirt up and over my head throwing it to the ground.

He leaned back in to kiss me as his fingers fumbled with the buttons on my jeans. I stood up to help him. Finally, he undid my jeans and pulled them down my legs. As I stepped out of them, his hands gripped my thighs as he brought his lips down to kiss a line along my stomach, from the bottom of my bra to my bellybutton. He swirled his tongue around the opening of my navel and then kissed it again.

My fingers combed through his hair and my head fell back as he continued to kiss my abdomen, leading down to the lining of my panties. He followed the hem of it, and then with his teeth, pulled them and then let them go with a snap. I laughed heartily and slapped his shoulder.

"Careful," He murmured looking up at me. He didn't have to look far as he was eye level with my cleavage, even as I stood there. "Remember the last time you hit me? You broke your hand."

I groaned in agony as I remembered. His uncanny ability to find a way to make me remember how wrong this was, was making me crazy. "Just shut up, Jacob." I growled as I jumped on him, straddling him once again. My tongue licked his lips and then plunged into his mouth. I couldn't get enough of his mouth... So warm and enticing.

His big hands unhooked my bra with ease and then pulled the straps from my shoulders, taking it off my body. He lowered his head to suck a fully erect nipple into his mouth. I grabbed the branches of the tree that were above us and lifted myself up to kneel in front of him.

Even lifted above him, I still felt his girth against the bud of me. I sucked in a sharp breath and bid myself patience. His tongue was like fire against my skin, licking and sucking on my breasts. His hands cupped them, squeezing them both together and then letting them go, watching as they bounced.

"Having fun?" I asked from above him.

"Lots." He growled with a wide grin. He licked the space between my breasts and then trailed his tongue all the way up my chest, collarbone, throat, and cheek. I resisted the urge to pet him.

He put his hands on my hips and slowly pulled me down so that I was sitting on him. He guided them in a circular motion, grinding me against him. My hands still clung to the tree branches. I squeezed tighter as I felt the solid length of him bulging -straining- against his cut off sweats and a deep moan escaped my lips. He started to move me around faster and faster all the while, pushing himself against me and breathing heavily. He looked down and watched my breasts as they pressed into his chest again and again. "Oh, God, Jacob…"

He looked up at me from under his lashes and I felt that my panties were soaked through. He lightly sniffed the air and his eyes lit up. He lifted me up again by my hips, standing me in front of him on the tree. He pressed his face to my panties and inhaled deeply, running his nose against me. He put his hands in between my thighs and spread them apart.

I watched him as his tongue slid out and licked the outside of my underwear. He then shoved his face in and breathed me in. One hand grabbed my thigh to hold on to me and with the other he used his fingers to push my wet panties aside. He reached in to feel my wetness. My whole body shuddered under his touch. He leaned in again to kiss the source of my tortured ecstasy. He quickly yanked my panties down, urging me to lift one leg to make his access easier. My hold on the tree branches never loosened. My head fell forward as I felt his tongue slide in to taste me.

The way his tongue moved felt as though he was taking his time. He used slow, deliberate licks. Lapping up my wetness, savoring me. Making me dizzy from the pressure I felt building up inside. My knees buckled a bit and he secured his hand behind my other thigh. His tongue still going. "So good," He murmured. I took a deep shaky breath as my body started to tremble a bit more. "You taste sooooo good." The resonance of his voice against me made me shudder again. He caught on. He began to growl, the sound coming from deep within his chest as he pressed his lips to my bud. I felt the vibrations pulsating through his body and into mine.

My breath came faster, catching in my throat each time. My eyes glazed over and I bit down on my lip. My hands started to ache from my tight hold on the tree and the branches began to shake. "Oh… oh…" I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, I couldn't even stand on my own feet. Jacob's hands clasped just below my buttocks and it was as if I was sitting on his hands. He held me up, as my body went completely still. His growl turned into a hum as I exploded into my own melody of moans of ecstasy. My hands dropped from the tree and I drifted back down to him.

He kissed me fully on the mouth, I could smell and taste myself on his lips. I stood up and pulled him up with me, and quickly pulled his pants down. I gasped at the sight of him. The feel of him alone was amazing, but to _see_ him was astonishing. I glanced up to take in his look of lust. He looked like a bronze god in a halo of moonlight. I sighed in awe and kissed the tip of him. He smiled slyly and knelt down in front of me. "Damn, I want you."

"Here I am." I whispered, pulling his face in to kiss me. He laid my body down in the sand and then stretched out on top of me. He was heavy, but the feel of him was exhilarating. He wrapped his arms around me and held me close to him as we kissed. "Here I am…" I said again between kisses. He looked deep into my eyes, and I think he caught a bit of my meaning. _For now… _A hint of sadness flashed in his eyes and then it was gone, with the lust returning.

With a soft moan he reached down and spread my legs. He lifted up on one hand and placed himself at my entrance. I was a little _more_ than wet for him, so he slid in with ease. His hands were placed on each side of my body, sinking into the sand. He entered me slowly, inching in. I was amazed still by the feel of him inside of me, I closed my eyes as he pushed all the way in. His breath came out in a puff as he felt me. "You're so tight." He growled.

I moan as I am filled, sucking in another sharp breath as I adjusted to his size. "Mmmm…" I moaned again. I dug my fingernails into his back and raked down, then up again. My legs hiked high up on his waist. He lifted up and slid out of me, then right back in. We continued in this way, slow and steady. But I could feel his resolve slipping away. The heat from his body spread through me, soon I felt the sweat begin to dew on my skin. The grunts that rip through his chest let me know that he had no resolve left what-so-ever.

He's flipped us over, with me straddling him. His fingers began to dig into the skin on my hips. He began moving me in a circular motion again, caressing my bud, in the process. His knees lifted up and his hips started to develop a thrusting rhythm. He sped up his pace, forcing me to place my hands on his knees to brace myself.

The sounds of our flesh meeting blended with the sounds of the waves crashing onto the shore. The breeze that came in did nothing for the heat that surrounded me. I felt the sand caked on my back and shoulders. But it was nothing compared to the feel of _Jacob_. His strong arms encircled me and pulled me down to him, while he continued to thrust.

"I love you so much." He whispered into my ear. "I've always loved you."

"Jacob…" I moaned.

"Tell me you love me." He pleaded.

"I love you…" The words flew out of my mouth before I had time to reconsider. His thrusts became stronger and more potent. My teeth began to knock from the force. Our breathing came faster as I felt that pressure once again. Soon our bodies stilled and shuddered. My name fell from his lips as he spilled into me and I exploded all over again. I could feel his warm liquid seeping down my thighs.

"I love you… I love you…" He whispered again. But I couldn't feel anything but the heat.

"Jacob, I can't breathe…" The sweltering heat from his body and the force of his arms around me made it difficult to breathe. He loosened his grip a bit and then rolled us over a few times. The cool water from the ocean flew up over my legs and I felt a slight relief.

Soon we were both in the water and he was still inside of me. I wrapped my arms and legs around his body as he allowed us to float. "Sorry," He whispered to me.

"Don't…" I whispered back. "Let's just… let's just have this." I laid my head on his shoulder. I wasn't sure what to make of it all. But I knew that what I just experienced with Jacob would always be on my mind…. Which meant it would always be on _his_…

Jacob ran his fingers through my wet hair as we floated in the water. "Can I ask you something?'

I lifted my head up and looked him in the eye again. "Anything."

"Is this what you came here for?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean for this. For… us, to happen?"

"I don't know," I whispered honestly. "In a way, I guess I hoped."

"Really? Why?" He asked, excitement jumping into his eyes.

"I guess because… I was curious..."

"About what?"

"Well… I half expected you to howl at the moon."

He barked a laugh and then released me into the water. We had floated a ways out, but he could still stand up in the water. But I instantly went under. His hands pulled me back up to him, securing me against his chest. He kissed me on the lips and then with his wolfish grin in place, he howled.


	2. Class is Definitely in Session

**Sorry it took so long to get this to you guys! I've been kind of busy with school. Plus I don't have the right program to upload this myself. So anywaaay... ENJOY! Bella and Edward share a few words... and some other things... LEMOOON! **

**Chapter Two: Class is Definitely in Session**

After crawling out of the ocean and gathering my things, I put my soiled clothes back on. Kissed Jacob softly on the lips and guiltily made my way home. When I got there Charlie had a note waiting to inform me that I was late, I needed to call the school, and he would talk to me in the morning. I groaned and made my way up the stairs.

Blindly, I walked into my room and grabbed my pajamas and toiletries, not even bothering to turn on the light. I headed right to the bathroom and turned on the water. I undressed and examined my skin in the mirror. The area around my hips have all ready begun to darken in the shape of Jacob's hands. I groaned again and stepped into the tub.

The hot stream of water flowed over me, relaxing my muscles as I washed my body and hair. I stood there for a few minutes then got out. I rung the water out of my hair, combed through it, and then threw on my pajamas. I trudged back to my room, and tossed my clothes on the floor, then crawled into my bed. When I buried my face deep into my pillow, I smelled the sweetest smell I knew. The feeling of guilt washed over me again. My stomach began to rumble with nausea. "Ahhhh…" I moaned into my pillow. I sat up and put my face into my hands and took a deep breath.

"Well, hello to you too."

A squeal of fear flew out with my exhaling breath. "Edward!" My eyes traveled over to the sound of his voice. He was in the corner of my room sitting in the rocking chair. The moonlight shining through my window cast an eerie glow on his magnificent form. "What are you doing here!" I whispered harshly.

He rose smoothly from his seat and walked over to the bed to stand at the end. I saw him raise an eyebrow. "Aren't I here every night?"

"Well, yes, but…" I was dumbfounded at my own stupidity. _What are you doing here? Ugh._ "I guess, I wasn't expecting you." I mumbled.

"Why wouldn't you be expecting me?" He asked, his head tilted to the side.

My face flushed with guilt and I was immensely gracious that he couldn't hear my thoughts. I wasn't thinking. I couldn't think, obviously. Why wouldn't Edward be here? It's not like he knows why I wouldn't want him here… Would he? "I don't know. I just, was, um, startled… that's all."

His brow furrowed under his bronze colored hair. He put his hands in his pockets and looked down at the foot of the bed. "I followed you tonight." My heart sped up. He looked back up at me. I could see the questions in his golden eyes and I just wanted to go find a cliff and jump off of it… again.

"You followed me?" I repeated, my brain was at a loss tonight. "But you're not supposed to come across the line."

"I didn't. I just followed you to the line and then from it." He said matter-of-factly.

"Well, what are you doing following me anyway?" I felt the misguided anger seeping into my voice.

"Because I was curious. You've been acting really strange lately, my love." My heart was loud enough for me to hear. "What's going on with you?"

My mouth went dry and I felt the intense urge to tell him. To just say it and be done with it and incur his wrath. But I couldn't do it. I just couldn't break his heart, because it would, whether it was beating or not. I hated myself. I hated everything that I was and ever would be. "I don't know, Edward." I whispered sadly. I couldn't stand the sight of him because I knew that he was looking at me with love in his eyes, and I didn't deserve it. "Listen," I said looking away from him. "Is it possible if you could… not be here tonight?"

He was silent for a while, but I couldn't bring my eyes up to look at him. I felt his cold hands on my face. But before I could see him I quickly shut my eyes. The tears threatened once more. "If that's what you want." He said simply, his hands fell away from me, then I felt his cold lips press softly against mine.

I opened my eyes to tell him that I was sorry, but he was all ready gone. With a heavy sigh, the tears began flowing freely. A sob barreled it's way out of my chest as soon as my face hit the pillow.

I awoke to the harsh sunlight in my face and turned over. I realized that it was unusually warm, as my hand reached out. It fell limply back to the bed. I cracked one eye open to look around. _He's not here._ The realization sent me flying back into last night. The beach… Jacob… I wanted to die.

I struggled my way out of the bed and to the bathroom. I stopped just outside the door and listened for any movement downstairs. There was none, Charlie must have left early. Good, no lectures. Until later anyway.

With the speed of frozen molasses on a sleeping turtle's back, I prepared for work. I knew that I was all ready late, but I just could not make myself move any faster. Finally, about an hour later, I was out the door. I was thinking that this trip to work was pointless and I fought the urge to go back home and crawl into bed. But I had nothing else to do today, and Charlie would ask way too many questions. Then there would be Edward... I continued my journey.

When I got there I looked for Mrs. Newton to try to give her an excuse. She wasn't there, but the new manager was. "My truck wouldn't start." I told her. She looked mean.

"Well, it says here that this is your third time being tardy this week, that means a dock in your pay." She _was_ mean.

She handed me some kind of slip, I was too tired to read it, so I placed it in my back pocket. I headed on to my station and grabbed the ugly vest and put it on. The day crept on as the hours tip-toed by. After what felt like forever, my shift was over and I was walking out to my truck. When I got in I heard the crinkling and remembered the paper in my pocket. I took it out and read it.

It was a note from my dad in Mrs. Newton's handwriting.

_ Your father called and asked me to remind you to give the school a call. They said that it was urgent. Have a good day!_

I crumbled the note up and threw it on the floor of the truck. What could they want? I started to head home, then decided to go up there instead. When I got there I realized that it was about six o'clock in the evening and that the school was closed. Frustrated, I put my head against my steering wheel.

The thought of having to face Edward kept making my stomach do flip flops. Could I tell the love of my life that I had sex with the other man that I just so happen to be in love with as well?

The rapid knocking on my window made me jump, my head flew back and smacked the back of my seat. "OW!" My hand went up to rub my semi-hurt head and I knocked my knuckles against the roof. I dropped my hand to my lap and sat, slightly dazed at my own blunders. A single knock on the window, reminded me to look over.

"You okay?" His velvet voice seeped through the walls of the truck. His lips were shaped into that crooked smile that makes my heart melt. But this time, it made my heart crumble. I nodded slowly and unlocked my door.

Edward opened the door and got in as I slid over. My heart was hammering in my chest by this point. I was too scared to look at him. "Still following me, I see." I said nervously to fill the awkward silence.

"What else do you expect me to do, when you're my life?" He asked with a small laugh.

My stomach dropped out and instantly the tears were back. My face dropped into my hands and I called for death's sweet swift wings to just snatch me from my place beside him.

"Whoa." Edward breathed. His arms quickly encircled me and he pulled me onto his lap. "What is the matter?" He asked urgently, shaking my shoulders.

I finally looked at him and opened my mouth to speak, but nothing in the form of sanity came out. So I stopped trying and just continued to cry.

"Okay… okay…" He whispered as he rubbed his hands down my back. I don't deserve him. I don't deserve to be alive. But for the sake of him, I pulled myself together. _I can't keep it from him. I just can't._

I took a deep breath and waited for my sanity to find me. "I saw Jacob last night." I said quietly. I could barely hear myself, but I knew he heard me.

Edward took a while to answer. And when he did, it was simply- "I know."

His eyes have darkened some from just last night. I bit my bottom lip as the shame flushed my face. "I couldn't… I didn't mean to-… How can you…" I couldn't form a complete sentence.

"When you came home I smelled you instantly. Or I smelled _him_, rather." He whispered. His eyes seemed to have darken even more with just that one statement, he was looking off into the distance. "I knew. I knew because the scent was too strong…"

My mouth fell open as I heard this. _He all ready knew…_ "Why are you here?" I asked dumbfounded.

His eyes softened a bit and he looked back at me, I could see the sadness there. The sadness caused by me and my stupid fickle, finicky heart. He shrugged, "Because I love you. And I understand." It should not be beating.

"No."

"No?" He asked confused.

"No, no, no! You're not supposed to understand!" I stared at him in disbelief. _How could he honestly sit here and tell me that he understands what I've done?_ "No Edward! You're supposed to hate me! You're supposed to want to take the life from me! Walk out on me! Drop my truck, _with me in it_, off the top of Mount Everest! Anything but understand!"

"Hey! Hey… No…" He said trying to calm me down. "No, I could never do any of those things. I could never do anything but love you. I _know_ that you love him. I know that you have certain… wants and needs that I can't really attend to without causing you harm. I could never live with myself if I hurt you, you know that."

"But I hurt you! I _hurt_ you Edward! That is something I never EVER wanted to do! And here you are comforting me! It's not right! It's not fair to you!"

"Life isn't fair, my love. Listen," He grabbed my arms and I realized that they had been flailing around. He pinned them down to my sides and gently caressed them. "Yes, yes you did hurt me. But it happened and there's nothing that we can do to reverse it. And I love you way too much to let it stand in the way of us being together. You are my everything."

I searched his eyes to try to find the truth in them. To see if he was actually really angry and trying to mask it, or if he was being sincere. I saw nothing but love there. I still didn't understand it. I didn't understand him. "So what now? Do we just… try to forget that this ever happened?"

Edward shrugged. His face, so sad. "That's up to you. I'll always love you. But if you want to be with him…"

"No." I blurted out. But I was not really sure. As much as I loved Edward, I could not deny Jacob.

He looked at me with a new frustration in his eyes. "I can understand if you would want to be with him. He can give you _so many_ things that I can't."

"Edward… He can't give me you. You are everything that I want." _But so is he._ "I can't live without you." _Without either of you._ I shut my eyes tight and shook my head. "I love _you_ Edward." I said, more to myself than to him.

His cool hands were on my face, holding my head still. "I love you, too." His sweet breath blew across my face and I was intoxicated again. His marble lips pressed gently against mine and the world threatened to fall away. He deepened the kiss and my arms encircled his neck. I couldn't stop my mind from noting the differences as his hands, cold as ice, they slid up the back of my shirt and pressed against my skin there.

I pulled back, breaking the kiss. I needed to see his eyes. His lids were heavy with a hunger and his eyes were a dark gold. His lips curled into a smile as one of his hands came up and he placed it on the side of my face to pull me back to him. His hand tangled in my hair and his tongue twisted around my own. His usual care gone for the moment. He pulled my bottom lip into his mouth and sucked on it, I felt his teeth lightly clamp down and then he let go.

"You shouldn't tease me like that." I said, breathing heavily.

"What's fun without a little teasing, huh?" There was a wicked smile on his face. His hand slid out of my hair, down the crevice between my breasts, down my stomach and then into the front of my jeans, quick as lightening. Soon I felt the thunder, as his cold fingers glided in to caress me.

"Edward…" I started to protest. But the feel of his slim icy fingers against my warmth felt so good. My mind quickly flashed to Jacob, and I tried to shake it away. Edward tensed and I looked away from him trying, unsuccessfully to hide my guilt.

"Did he touch you like this?" He asked. His voice, smooth as silk, with the combination of his fingers, sent a sharp shiver down my spine. I couldn't bring myself to look at him. The faintest of growls rumbled through his chest. "Look at me." I did as he commanded and I felt the tears start to well up. "Did he touch you like this?" He repeated with a little more force.

"Yes." My voice was no more than a breath.

Suddenly his other hand slid down the back of my jeans and I was pulled closer to him. I felt his fingers slip down to find my other hole. "How about like this?" He purred. His fingers started to move in circular motions. My mouth fell open on a gasp and he stuck his tongue in.

I pulled him in to kiss him, while his fingers sent my hips to slowly gyrating. When I couldn't breathe, my head fell back to take in a deep breath and hit the steering wheel. "You're making me so wet…"

"That's the idea." He whispered. His lips found my neck and began placing kisses there. His nose found my collarbone and he inhaled then sighed. "I want to taste you."

My body jumped as his fingers flew inside of me. The sound of the horn echoed through the air. "Oh sweet fu-mmm… Oh my…" His hands were moving fast, each finger playing it's own part in making me want to scream.

Edward pulled me even closer to his body. I felt his arm tighten around me. His lips traveled up my collarbone and back to my lips. "Do you want to cum for me?" He asked.

"Oh God, yes." I moaned. Just as I answered him, I felt his fingers curl inside of me, his thumb pushed against my bud, and his other fingers circled faster.

He placed his lips to my cheek and kissed his way to my ear. "Then do it." He snarled. At the sound of his voice my body bucked and I felt the release that he had been egging on. The horn sounded again, but it was drowned out by my heavy breathing. He pulled his hand out of the front of my pants and then placed one of his fingers into his mouth then closed his eyes. "Mmmmm…"

He opened his eyes slowly and then placed the same finger to my lips. He ran it along the length of them. I stuck out my tongue and sucked his finger into my mouth. His other hand grabbed hold of my buttocks and he pulled me forward. "We're going to have to do something about that." I muttered, his finger still in my mouth.

"About what?" He asked, his crooked smile in place.

I took his finger out of my mouth and then reached down to cup the bulge in his pants. "This…" I murmured.

Doubt clouded his eyes for the shortest of seconds, then his smile widened into a grin and the doubt was gone... "Indeed, we will." Suddenly we weren't in the truck anymore, but flying from it and into the building of the school. I didn't notice where we were when we stopped until the dizziness died down.

When my eyes finally adjusted and I saw that we were inside the biology lab. Where we had our first class together. I was still in his arms when he walked over and placed me on our table. His eyes were dancing in the darkness and it brought a smile to my lips. How could I have hurt him? I placed my hands on his face and pushed aside all thoughts of Jacob. "Didn't you almost kill me here?"

"Almost," He laughed darkly. "But I think I'll make up for that right now." He brought his lips down to kiss me again. He kissed me slowly and his hands found my face. His fingers lightly ran over my cheeks, then down to the back of my neck. I ran my fingers through his tousled hair then I pulled him closer to me.

He was standing in between my legs, so I wrapped them around his waist to feel him. I pushed myself against him and he groaned against my lips. I slowly brought my hands down to his shoulders, then down to find the buttons on his shirt. I undid them and slid his shirt off and unto the floor, then pressed my hands against his cold bare chest. I rubbed my fingers against his nipples and down the ripples on his abdomen. I broke away and brought my lips down to place warm kisses everywhere my fingers has just left. "I'm so sorry Edward." I murmured between kisses. "I'm so sorry."

Edward gripped my hair lightly and I looked up into his eyes. "Then show me." There was a darkness there that I didn't expect. I also didn't expect it to turn me on like it did.

Slowly I slid off of the table and I unbuttoned his jeans. I knelt before him and pulled them down. I trailed my hands up the cool length of his thighs and then reached into the top of his boxer briefs. I gently wrapped my hands around his girth and heard his sharp intake of breath. With my other hand I reached up and pulled them down a bit to reveal what my hand was holding. He was rock hard and glacial.

I gasped at the size of him then hesitated, unsure of what I was about to do, I looked back up at him. "Show me." He breathed again. The pallid color of his exposed skin shone brightly in the darkness of the room. I saw his chest heaving up and down and I brought my lips to graze the tip of him, kissing it lightly.

Slowly I opened my mouth and took him into it. I let my tongue slide back and forth against the cool underside of him as one of my hands gripped his thigh. With the other hand I began to stroke and caress him as I moved my mouth in a circular and back and forth motion.

After a while I felt him lean over me and onto the table. His heavy breathing and grunts filled the room. I sucked hard on him and then let go with a pop. I placed kisses all up and down the length of him and then used my teeth to nibble a bit on the side. I heard and felt the scraping, it was like putting teeth to stone. I licked him once more before I felt his hands come down on my shoulders.  
He lifted me up into the air and set me on my feet on the table. His hands went for my jeans, but I stepped back. I looked down and saw the hunger and curiosity in his eyes. I began to sway my hips seductively. I kicked my shoes off and ran my hands up and down the front of my shirt then grabbed the hem of it. I pulled at it hard while I winked at him and bit my bottom lip. I then yanked it over my head and threw it at him.

He quickly dodged it and let it fall to the floor and was back in his position like he had never even moved. Then I turned around and unbuttoned my jeans, bending over sensuously as I rolled them down and off my legs. I turned back to him and his eyes traveled over my body. His eyes lingered for a moment at my hips and something crossed his face. But it was gone quickly as his eyes landed on my breasts. I reached behind me and unhooked the bra and slid it off of my shoulders. I sauntered over and placed it on his head.  
He smiled crookedly, but his eyes were still dark with lust and something else. His hands then slid up my legs and then stopped at my hips. He picked me up and then set me back down on the table a little harder than I expected. The contact made a slapping sound. "Ow." I breathed.

With another smile he laid me back on the table. He grabbed a handful of each breast and then leaned over to lick my nipples. His hands then moved down to my hips, and he slid his icy fingers under the waistband of my panties. I lifted my hips as he began pulling them off of my body. I giggled as he grabbed my foot. He then brought it to his lips, kissing my big toe and then sucking it into his mouth. He let it go with a pop, imitating me.

He kissed his way back up my leg, his frigid lips blazed a trail up to my thigh. His tongue then glided in and he pressed it against my most sensitive of spots. My body jerked from the sudden cold and my nipples hardened instantly. I leaned up on my elbows and covered my breasts with my hands, squeezed them, and watched Edward as he licked me from hole to centre and then back again. His eyes were intent on my face as he continued to lick and tease me with his tongue and his teeth. I felt a slight nip just above my bud and instantly felt the heat.

My eyes widened as I felt the fire begin to spread along my clit. "Oh my God!" I exclaimed as I realized what happened. I looked at Edward with fear in my eyes and was met with calm. I tried to move, but he pressed his hands on my pelvis, holding me in place. I felt the heat mixing with the cool swipes of his tongue and my eyes rolled to the back of my head. Sweat started to form throughout my body as one of my elbows slipped and I fell back onto the table, crying out.

Edward's lips enveloped my clit and I felt him sucking on it, completely drawing the heated venom back out, the cold instantly taking it's place. My body arched underneath his hands. And then, quite suddenly, I was filled.

I felt the cool length of him inside of me hitting my spot and a spasm raged through my body. The sweat that had formed made it easier for him to slide me forward. He had placed one of my legs up and over his shoulder, while holding the thigh of my other leg. The skin of my back stuck slightly to the table as I was pushed forward and then pulled back in a rhythmic motion.

He then pulled me toward him so that my buttocks hung slightly over the side. The feel of him, wintry and tantalizing, pumping in the warmth of my depths sent my senses into overdrive. My breath caught in my throat as his finger pressed against my bud, circling it. His eyes stood out in the faint light of the room, they were deepest, oddest mixture of gold and black I had ever seen. "Say my name." He growled.

"Ooooh Edward." My body twitched and bucked again.

"Say it again." He said putting more pressure with his thumb.

"Edwaaaard." I moaned gasping for air.

He suddenly pushed me forward again and got on his knees below me. He lifted my back up off the table and held on to the back of my hips as he pushed himself in as far as he could go and a moan escaped his lips. My arms shook from the pressure of holding my body up and the rest of me was shook from the waves of pleasure coursing through it. "Say you're mine."

My voice came out as a whimper as I felt him began to pound into me, continuously hitting the hilt of me. I grabbed onto his arms as the sound of my flesh slapping and rippling against the stone of his body resounded throughout the room.

"SAY IT!" He yelled, sending a shudder of fear and ecstasy through my body. He continued to pound into me, a shiver running through his own. I heard his breath catch in his throat and his movements sped up. A deep throaty moan was all that could escape my lips and I started to grind my hips against him, adding to the thrill.

Our heavy breathing became erratic and sharp as we climbed higher and higher. My grip tightened on his arms as I felt the pressure build where he filled me. My walls tightened around him, clamping and loosening. His stone frame began to shake from a low rumbling growl that started to build at the very core of him.

His hands dropped from my hips and grabbed the edges of the table. I continued to grind against him as he continued to thrust, our bodies hitting and tilting into a climax that took hold of us both, freezing us in a moment of bliss. I was vaguely aware of a snapping sound as a cry of pleasure escaped both of our lips.

My body went limp, sliding from around him, and my back hit the table with a slap. His frosty hands slid up my legs and gripped my hips once more. I somehow found the strength to slide my hands up to his shoulders. He picked me up and I wrapped my arms around his neck. He rested his cold lips on the heated skin beneath my ear.

"Please say it." He whispered breathlessly. I caught a hint of that something else in his voice and sat back a bit to look him in the eye.

What I saw there shattered my heart into a million pieces. "Edward," I said as I pressed my hands to his cheeks. "I will always be yours."

A faint smile touched his lips and he leaned in to seal my words, as if to stop me before I could take them back. Not that I ever would. In my shattered heart I felt the bells ringing true. I could never leave him. "Yes, you will be." He whispered in between kisses.

His arms formed a vice grip around my waist, holding me dangerously close. I wrapped my arms around his neck once more and noticed the shards of wood splayed out on the table and floor. And with that I knew that his words were more of a threat than an agreement.

Edward's body tensed and he quickly stood us both up. "Time to go." He said with a grin.

"What is it?" I asked surprised by his rushed demeanor. 

"Janitor." He whispered, gathering our clothes.

"Seriously!" I hissed looking around, instantly covering my body and crouching behind the table in the dark. He spied my shirt across the room and hurried to retrieve it. I stepped on a piece of wood and looked at the table again. "Oh my God. Edward, the table." I couldn't help but snicker. 

On either side of the table was a broken imprint of Edward's hands. "Nothing we can do about it right now, love. Get dressed." 

By the time I looked up, he was completely dressed and was looking around for my other shoe. "Where are my panties?" I asked as I quickly slipped my pants on. 

Edward only smiled. "Would you hurry please?" Even though he asked, he stepped over to yank the shirt over my head, then bent down to help put my shoes on, while I slipped my bra on under the shirt. "Now, come on." He whispered once I was decent. He quickly picked me up into his arms and hurried from the room. 

We flew back to my truck and instead of starting it, Edward put me in the passenger's seat, then got behind and pushed it out onto the road. Once we were a ways away from the school he slid in and started it up. The truck roared to life and then we were off. I sighed and turned my body toward him to stare at him while he drove, thankful that he wasn't pushing my poor truck to the limit. 

I took a deep breath and he looked over at me, sliding his hand into my lap and smiling. I laced my fingers with his and glanced down at our entwined fingers. The paleness of his skin stood out against my own there in the fading light. "Tell me what you're thinking." He whispered.

I smiled slightly and looked up at him, "That I'm not dead." 

His chuckles filled the space in the cab. "No, you're not." But I could hear the distress there.

"Would you rather I was?" I asked, confused.

"No, love, it's not that. It's just," He sighed. "It's just that, I wasn't ready for that to happen." 

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I wasn't ready for us to take that step. No doubt, that my body wanted to. I've always wanted you, love. But my fear of hurting you, which I'm so glad and grateful that I didn't, was so completely clouded that I let my body and instinct take over."

"Clouded? By what?"

"Jealousy." He answered after a few agonizing seconds. His eyes traveled over to my face when I fell silent and stared at nothing in particular. He squeezed my hand lightly after tears started to roll down my cheeks. "It is still terribly frustrating to not know what you're thinking. Talk to me."

My lips began to tremble a bit, but I pushed back the threatening sob. "I'm so horrible." I dared not look up at him, but felt the truck coast to a stop. I looked up to see that we were in front of Charlie's house. When I looked back at him he was staring back at me intently, waiting for me to go on. I took a deep breath, "I just couldn't stop myself, Edward. I saw things…" 

"Like…?" He prompted when I went no further.

"I saw my children, or what would have been my children. With Jacob. If we were together," I said. "And for a minute, I wanted that. I wanted to be with him to have that world that I saw that day on the mountain, when he kissed me. And because I wanted that it was like I needed him. I needed to know…" My voice was no more than a whisper. My all ready broken heart seemed to erode even more as I admitted this to him.

The only sound in the truck was my heavy breathing as the sob continuously tried to push it's way out. Edward's face was turned away from mine and he stared out at the road. A car passed by, headlights casting a glow on his hardened face. There seemed to be no life there, he was a statue, not blinking, not even seeming to breathe.

"Please say something…" I begged after the longest moment. I felt his hand sliding from mine and gripped tightly to it with both hands. "Edward…"

"I'm taking that from you. I'm taking the very life from you."

"Edward, you are my life." I said, scooting closer to him and taking his face in my hands.

"No…," He said closing his eyes and pulling out of my grip. I dropped my hands to my lap. "I mean, what you were destined to be. A wife, a mother. To live a long satisfying life and grow old and die leaving behind a family. A legacy." 

"Who said that that was promised to me?" 

"Nobody said it, but it's assumed. It's a possibility, and I am taking that away from you." He said still looking away.

"What if you're my destiny? Did you ever think about that? What if I'm supposed to exist and be with you forever? We found each other for a reason Edward."

"But you also found _him_." He said finally looking me full on in the face. I cringed at his words, finding the slightest bit of truth in them. I could only shake my head. "Yes, love. There's no doubt in my mind that you do love him. That you were meant to be with him."

"But I'm not with him." I pushed trying to make him see.

"No, not _now_. But you _were_." 

"Edward, I will never forgive myself for that." I placed my hands on his face again, this time he didn't pull away. "But you have to believe that you are all that I want. I could never be without you. Do you not remember what happened to me when you left?"

Pain clouded over his eyes, as the thoughts and memories of my descent into that void of depression flashed through his mind. Borrowed thoughts from none other than Jacob himself. "I'll never forgive myself for that either."

"Yes, I do love Jacob. But I crave you. He could never be to me what you are." I took his hand and placed it over my beating heart.

"This… infernal thing, is yours. You're the reason why it beats."

"And I would also be the reason why it stopped." He murmured looking down, letting his hand rest there. 

"And then we would be together, forever. It's yours, whether it beats or not." I smiled. "Look at me." His scorching golden eyes traveled slowly to meet my own. "I meant what I said. I will _always_ be yours."

Without a word he pulled me to him, pressing his lips against mine with a soft fury. Under the cold heat of his touch, I felt the doubt that was still inside me whittle away to the size of a pin top. But in the back of my mind I knew it would always be there. 


	3. Jacob is Such A Dog

**(YAAAY! So fanfic has FINALLY made WPS available as an upload thinga-ma-bob. So I can add stories myself now! I just finished this one and tried to edit it and everything. If it's not up to par or if you find something wrong, please do let me know! In this chapter "Bella" is confronted by Jacob... and he is none too pleased. DUNH DUNH DUUUUNH!!)**

**Chapter Three: Jacob Is Such A Dog**

It had been almost two weeks since I've seen, or heard from, Jacob that night on the beach. After our adventure at the school the next day, which Edward himself had orchestrated with the help of Alice, he and I had been inseparable. If he wasn't with me, he was somewhere near by. He would pick me up and then wait patiently in his car while I worked, sometimes even coming in to "browse". Not that I minded much. Edward and I had finally done what I wanted to do with him. And I survived, much to our delight.

At first Charlie was out to issue a new punishment for being out so late until I told him that I was in La Push. With a sly smile in Edward's direction he let me off with a warning and told me to let him know the next time I was going. I shudder to think if he knew what really happened out there.

At that two week mark, Edward's eyes were the color of charcoal. He needed to feed. "I'll be back before you know it." He said kissing my neck and lips before heading out with his brothers. When I got home there was a note next to the phone. A simple message from Jacob written in Charlie's wayward script- _I'm coming over_.

I felt my palms instantly start to sweat and wiped them on my jeans. My legs got a bit wobbly and I steadied myself on the back of a chair. I sat down shakily and dropped my face in my still sweaty hands.

"You okay?" Charlie asked stalking into the kitchen.

"Mmhmm." I hummed, not even lifting my head.

"You look a bit… green." He muttered coming closer.

"I'm fine, just feeling a bit… dog tired…"

"Ah, well, you should rest tonight. Oh, wait, did you get that message from Jake?"

"Yep." I mumbled, lowering my face down onto the table.

"If you're not feeling that well, then you should-"

"I'll be okay, Dad." I assured him, peeking up from the table.

"Okay…" He said turning to the refrigerator to grab a beer from the shelf. "I'll be in here watching a game if you need me." He said shuffling off in the direction of the living room.

I sat back and let my head fall over the back of the chair. My stomach growled and I rested my hands on it. I knew I should eat something, but the fear that it would come right back up stopped that thought.

I took a few steady breaths to calm my beating heart. Just as soon as it settled a bit, the knock at the door sent it right back to hammering in my chest. "I got it." I called out as I steadied myself and walked to the door. I took a deep breath, tried my best to place a smile on my face, and opened the door.

"So… you're not dead. That's nice to know."

"Hey, Jake." I sighed heavily. The smile was all ready gone. Jacob just stared at me and I felt awkward. "Sooo… how are you?"

"I'm breathing."

"Right. Good, good…" I said nodding my head. He fell quiet again, his eyes not moving an inch from my face. I squirmed under his intense stare. "Would you like to come in?"

"No."

"Would you… like to go for a walk…?" He simply turned away from me and headed toward the back of the house. "I'll be back." I hollered at Charlie, closing the door and then I rushed out after him.

By the time I got around the corner, Jacob was standing next to a tree on the far side of the yard across from the house. It was amazing to see that he and the tree were almost the same size. He folded his arms over his chest and then leaned against it. I almost expected for it to bend under his weight. "So where's your bloodsucker?" Jacob asked when I was only a few feet away from him.

"_Edward_ is hunting." I answered walking to lean against the tree facing him.

"So, I'm assuming he doesn't know."

"No… he knows."

Jacob's hard façade changed and he stood straight up. "What?! He knows?"

"Yes. He figured it out. I didn't even have to tell him." I said, shaking my head.

"And he's okay?"

"Yeah. It's weird. He wasn't even that angry…" I smiled at Edward's real reaction and the thought of the broken science lab table.

"Incredible…"

"I know." I said with a small laugh. I was just as amazed as he was. But I knew he was more upset than anything else.

"So what now?" He asked, worry creasing his forehead.

"I don't know, Jake. I'm not sure." I whispered not willing to answer him truthfully.

He looked down at me with pain in his eyes. "You're staying with him aren't you?"

I winced at his straight-forward question. I knew, without a doubt, that I was staying with Edward. But what to do about him? About the other piece of my heart… I nodded slowly.

"You're unbelievable, you know that?"

"What?"

"So you're going to stand there and tell me that you're going to stay with this guy, and then what? What about me? Us?"

"I… I don't know. I haven't had the chance to really think about that." My answer didn't make sense to me. Because it was _all _I had been thinking about.

"Great. Well, you know what? Let me make this easier for you." He said turning to walk into the woods.

"Wait a minute… where are you going?"

"None of your business."

"None of my… Jacob, come on!" I started after him as he trudged along the path. He didn't answer me. "Jacob! Will you please wait?!" I called after his retreating form.

"Why? So you can torture me some more?" He called back over his shoulder.

"Jake, I didn't mean to hurt you!" His legs were much longer than mine so I had to run to keep up with his strides.

"You're always hurting me." I heard him say.

"Jacob, PLEASE!"

"Please what?!" He whirled around growling at me.

I skidded to a halt, startled by his sudden turn. My mind was drawn back to our night on the beach. My breath caught in my throat and the tears started to well up in my eyes. "Please… just listen to me." I begged, cautiously stepping over to him.

"Listen to you? For what?! So you can tell me that you love me and still go back to him?!" His frame had begun to shake and I took a cautionary step back. "I am DONE being your poor little puppy. Sitting around wagging my tail as I wait for you to come home."

"I never…" I shook my head, I could feel the tears flowing. The pain and the anger in his eyes seemed to slap my face and I felt it growing hot.

"Save it. I'm done." He said again and turned on his heel.

The sight of him turning away from me again was too much to bare. I couldn't stop the words that bubbled up from my chest and out of my mouth. "Jacob! I love you! Don't walk away from me!"

He stopped in his tracks. I could see his shoulders heave up and down while the tremors still rolled. "Don't say that again." He growled. Something in my gut was telling me that I should heed to his warning. But… I _couldn't_ let him walk away.

"But I do, Jake. I lov-"

"DON'T!" He yelled. The tremors turned violent and he growled at me fiercely. He squeezed his eyes closed to try to get a grip, but the shaking was much too strong. His mouth fell open in a vicious scowl as a snarl ripped from his chest. He exploded in front of me and suddenly I was staring at the big red-brown wolf that I had grown to love and no longer fear. Everything in me screamed at me to run, except for my breaking heart that whispered for me to stay.

I stood my ground as he took a menacing step towards me. The tears were fresh in my eyes as I watched him. The growl that hissed from between his teeth caused my foot to take another step back. "Jake…" The cover from the trees shrouded his huge form in shadow. It was like something out of a nightmare. But I couldn't make my feet move again. "Please, come back to me."

His lips pulled back and revealed a row of sharp teeth. My breath stopped short as the fear took over. I tried to look into his eyes to find him. To find My Jacob. But I'm only met with such a fierce anger that it turned my stomach and I started to feel nauseas. He growled loudly, and suddenly my legs found their strength. I turned on my heels and ran headlong deeper into the forest.

I heard as his paws pounded the earth behind me. I had no idea where I could go and no clue which way to turn. I looked to see where he was because I couldn't hear anything besides my heavy breathing. I saw him leap into the air just as my foot caught on something. I fell down hard, face first into the grassy floor of the forest.

I saw his shadow fly over me and heard him land a few feet ahead. I quickly scrambled to get up and climb my way up the trunk of a tree. As I got fully on my feet I suddenly felt the heat on the back of my neck. My body went stiff and I slowly turned around, tears clouding my eyes.

The sharp row of teeth was now directly in my face. I could feel his hot breath blowing across it, streaking the tears back. "Please, don't do this. Come back to me-" His jaws snapped right next to my cheek and I fell back against the tree, angling my face away. I cringed back as the heat from his mouth caused sweat to break along my face and neck, I molded my body with the tree behind me. Flashes of Emily's mauled face came flying to my mind. "Jacob…" I pleaded with a cry once again.

A guttural growl, louder than before ripped from the wolf's wide mouth, sending my ears to ringing. My hands flew up to cover them and my face as I dropped down to my knees, quaking with fear.

The ground shook where I cowered as a snapping erupted, echoing through the forest. My face, covered in dirt and tears, pressed into my knees as I curled up on the forest floor, ready to feel the pain I knew was coming.

"GODDAMN IT!"

I quickly pulled my face up to see Jacob's human form towering over me. His naked body glistening, even in the shadows, and permeated with sweat. His hair plastered to his face and shoulders and his fists balled impossibly tight, the skin stretching and screaming along his knuckles.

Another scream exploded from him as he took a few steps backward and then crumbled to the forest floor in a heap. His chest constricted and expanded as his breath came out in huffs. My hands were still covering my ears, but I could hear the sob that escaped next. He covered his face with his hands and cried.

Everything in the forest seemed to stand still around his broken sobs. My body refused to move from it's position of fear against the roots of the tree. My mouth was dry and I felt like I would pass out at any moment.

"I'm so sorry." His voice was muffled as he repeated it over and over from underneath his hands.

I pushed myself to move, grabbing at the tree once again to find my footing. But once my hand reached up I felt sharp edges poking at it. I looked to find the tree cracked in half. An impression of Jacob's claws scraped into the bark where he swiped at it, sending the top half back to the forest floor. I used the broken stump to stand on my unwilling legs. The fear of myself being the victim instead of the tree, urged me to run away from him, instead of to him.

But, again, I didn't listen. My legs gave out again, so I unsteadily crawled my way over to him. I stopped a few feet and listened as his voice cracked on each sorry. "Jake…" I started cautiously.

"I am so sorry…" He sensed that I was close and turned away from me. I built up the courage to get closer and I softly put my hand on his back. I felt his muscles tense under his skin and he cringed away. "Don't touch me."

"Jacob…" I have no clue what to say to him. _It's okay? _No… because it wasn't. I tried again, using both hands.

"I almost killed you." He whispered roughly, finally looking up at me. His eyes were wet and bloodshot red, along with the tip of his beautiful brown nose.

"But you didn't." I said trying to encourage him. Although I didn't feel it myself. I wanted to pound his face in.

"But I _could have_! Go! Just… just leave!" He shouted at me putting his face back in his hands. His sobs have calmed down a bit, but his chest was still heaving and I had the strongest urge to comfort him.

"It's my fault." I said more to myself than him.

"Yeah it is." I heard him mumble.

"I shouldn't have even…"

"Well you did. Whatever you're going to say, you all ready did it. Damage done." He said with a sniff, hoisting himself up and beginning to stride away from me.

"Would you wait a freaking minute!" I called, finally finding the strength in my legs to stand.

"What's the point?!" He asked whirling back around to face me. "You've all ready hurt me enough for an entire lifetime, and I almost killed you. That's it. Shouldn't that be enough?"

"NO! It's not enough. Damn it, Jacob. Despite what you think, I do love you." He shook his head furiously. "I DO! And I love him. There is nothing that I can do to stop loving either of you. Trust me, I've tried. But it's _not_ possible."

"So what? You want to just keep me on the side?"

"I didn't say that…"

"But it's what you mean, right?"

"No…"

"That is _exactly_ what you want. You want to keep your perfect angelic bloodsucking boyfriend for everyone to see and then keep your little _dog_," He spat, sneering the word. "On the side! Something to screw and keep you warm, when you get too cold."

My eyes and mouth fell open at his words. I shook my head and closed my eyes, trying to think of something to say. Something that would make sense, that would make him see that he's more than that to me. But was he? I feel the love for him, I feel it aching in the very pit of me. But it would never be strong enough to overpower my deep seated _need_ for Edward.

Before I could even open my eyes, I felt Jacob's naked body push me back, pressing my own against a nearby tree. His mouth devoured mine in a kiss so full of passion and fury that it took my breath away instantly. I melted under his intense heat and molded myself to his body.

"Is this it, huh? Is this what you want?" He asked breathlessly, breaking the kiss. His lips and teeth gnawed at the skin on my throat. My nails dug precariously into his back as I felt _every_ inch of him pressing against me. I could barely breathe from the heat and the pressure.

"Jake." I squeaked out trying to find some hold on my thoughts. The fabric of my shirt was torn to shreds as Jacob ripped it open. His large hands hoisted me up so that he could press his lips to the area between my breasts. From fire to ice and back again… I couldn't stop my mind from reeling as Jacob's plump lips kissed my skin.

My hands were digging into his shoulders as he tore the front of my bra with his teeth, like a dog with a new toy, pulling the lace aside. His tongue found a taut nipple and he sucked it into his mouth. I moaned deeply from the pleasure. "Admit it." He growled, flicking his tongue across it. "This is what you want."

He put his foot on the uplifted roots of the tree and then balanced me on his knee so that I was straddling it as he tore the rest of the bra and flung it open. He cupped his hands over my breasts, covering them entirely. His tongue forcibly traced intricate circles about my nipples, lightly biting them. He licked and sucked on them until I felt them start to swell. "Oh, God, yes." He then licked back up the curve of my breast to the hollow at the base of my throat, sucking and biting at the skin there.

His tongue traveled back up to my mouth where I admitted it hungrily. I sucked on his tongue as he plunged it in. I felt my teeth clashing against his as I wrapped my arms around his neck. His fingers were at the button on my pants, undoing them. Something was clawing at the back of my mind, but with each thrust of his tongue it seemed to push it further and further back.

He set me on my feet as he swiftly pulled my pants down, I tried to lift my legs to help him. I barely got one leg out before he was lifting me back up to enter me, strong and deep. My arms and legs encircled him as he filled me entirely. My all ready hindered breathing stopped all together as he encompassed my every whim.

I felt my back scraping against the bark of the tree, my shredded shirt catching and snagging. He pushed himself in, until he couldn't go anymore. A deep groan passed through his lips as he pressed them to my cheek, leading kisses to my ear. He rested his face against mine as he stood up straighter and maneuvered to pump himself in and out of me.

The grip I held with my ankles loosened and my legs dropped to his sides and he grabbed hold to my buttocks, each cheek molding easily to the large shape of his fiery hands. He dug his fingers into the skin there and pulled me away from and then back to him, while pushing himself into me again and again. With each thrust I felt a hot gust of air blowing past his lips and through my hair.

My hands were tightly balled into fists around his neck. The pain of how deep he was mixed with the unbridled pleasure of it all drove me wild. I licked and bit at his ear as my body shook from the force of his plunging. My clit constantly rubbing against that overheated part of him, with each push and pull I fell closer and closer to a climax.

A moan, rich with frenzy, escaped my lips as a powerful tremor rippled through me making his grip loosen. My leg swung loose and Jacob leaned forward resting his elbow on the tree. My foot found the roots and I balanced myself and held on as he began to pound into me. My back slammed against the tree continuously. His hand reached over and grabbed a fistful of my hair, wrenching my head back. I felt the heat from his mouth against my skin, licking the sweat and dirt from my neck.

He pulled back and his face was contorted with a fierce fever, eyebrows low over his eyes in heated concentration. His body was shaking, yet tense, I felt him holding back the urge to explode. His gazed leveled with my own as he pushed into me as far as he could go and held himself there. His lips curled back and he gnashed his teeth.

My mouth fell open in an "O" of pleasure as he pulled out and then quickly pushed himself back in, my body slammed roughly against the tree. He repeated the action, again the pressure increased and the pleasure heightened.

I went to put my hand on his cheek, but he snatched it away and braced it underneath his own against the tree, with a speed that frightened me. His hand wrapped around my wrist tightly. I could feel the pieces of the wood pressing into my skin. My other hand, quickly gripped the back of his neck.

His rhythm gained speed, knocking the wind out of me. Between that and the intense heat, I felt dizzy and exposed. Like I would rip apart at any second. We stared each other down as his breathing turned to raspy gasps and mine to pleading whimpers. I felt the tears began to sting my eyes. "Oh God, Jacob."

"You want it?"

"Oh God…" The pressure that had been building began to seep from me, I could feel it sliding down my leg, mingling with the sweat and dirt that began to cake there. And I could tell he could feel it too.

His eyes briefly rolled to the back of his head and then regained contact. He pressed his forehead against mine. "Cum with me." He whispered.

I nodded with what little strength I had remaining. He plunged into me again and again. I felt the muscles of his abdomen tighten at the same time mine did, a low growl of pleasure exploded from us both as he spilled into me and my release spilled out and around him. With that his knees buckled and he fell against me, pressing me harder into the tree. Our breathing heavy and exhausted was the only sound heard, besides the wind blowing through the trees.

Jacob rested his forehead back against mine and stared deep into my eyes. I brought my all ready bruising hand up and rested it against his cheek. He leaned into it and then quickly leaned away. His eyes searching the woods.

"What is it?" I asked, still breathless.

"I thought I heard something." He whispered, continuing to scan. He turned his nose up and sniffed the air. Suddenly a low growl seeped from his lips.

"Jake, what is it?" I asked again more urgently. My muddled brain clearing instantly. Oh God, what did I just do? Shame and disgust coated every inch of me.

"You might as well come out, I know you're there." He called in a clearly annoyed voice.

I heard the approach before I saw who it was. "Well, that was entertaining." Her smug voice wafted through the trees.

"Leah…" I breathed.

"What are you doing here, Leah?" Jacob asked setting me onto shaky legs, steadying me, and then turning to face her. I meandered to the other side of the tree and slid my pants, that were dragging from my left leg, back on.

"Watching a bit of porn."

"I'm not joking, Leah."

"I can see that you're, obviously, no joke." She said smirking and pointedly looking in a downward direction at his nude body. Jacob stood his ground and sneered at her. Leah sighed and her face turned serious. "I heard you earlier."

"What?" He asked confused.

"I was roaming the woods, when I suddenly heard you. Your thoughts were so loud… I tried calling to you but you had all ready phased out."

Jacob's face fell as the events of what had happened came flooding back to his mind. He closed his eyes tightly and shook his head. "I… it was a mistake."

"You could have killed her Jacob." She whispered nodding in my direction.

Jacob's eyes flashed to me and then down. "I know…"

"But you didn't." I answered gathering my torn shirt about my body and stepping from behind the tree.

"I see you're playing tug-o-war." Leah muttered at me.

"I'm not playing anything." I answered harshly. My voice cracked though, making my comeback sound feeble.

"Very dangerous game. A lot of people could get hurt. Either way one side has got to lose."

"Shut up, Leah." Jacob snarled.

"Get a clue, Jacob. She's with the bloodsucker and that's who she wants. You can't make anybody truly love you." She shot back. There was a hint of something in her eyes as she said that last part. It was quick, but I caught it.

"Get out of here Leah!" Jacob snapped.

A faint smile spread across Leah's lips, but it didn't touch her eyes. "Catch you later." She said and then disappeared back into the woods.

Jacob's hands flew up to his temples and he took a deep breath. I hung back, uncertain of what to do, or of what to say. Leah, despite her bitter approach of the subject, was right. "You should go." He said still facing away from me.

Apparently he knew it too. "Yeah." I agreed with a nod. I gathered my tattered things and started away from him.

"You might want to go that way." He called to me pointing in the opposite direction of where I was headed.

"Right." I mumbled turning around and heading in the right direction.

"What are you going to tell him?" He asked putting a hand on my arm as I passed him.

I stopped in my tracks and turned to face his naked body once again. "I don't know." I whispered, feeling the fear bubble up in my chest and stomach.

"You're scared." He stated as more of a fact than a question. I assumed he could smell my fear.

"I'm terrified." A shiver ripped through me when I thought of Edward. "I don't know if I could tell him."

"Then don't."

"You do know that this can never happen again don't you?" I asked looking up into his face. My heart sped up as a look of lust sparked in his dark eyes.

"Sure sure." He said with a nod, smiling all knowingly.

I shook his arm off and glared at him. "I'm serious, Jacob."

The smile faded from his lips and he lowered his face to mine. His lips pressed against mine so quickly I didn't even see it coming. His hand came around and covered the back of my neck pulling me closer to him. My eyes slid closed unwillingly and I breathed him in and deepened the kiss. The musky, earthy smell of sex on his skin filled my senses and my grip on my shirt fell away. I wrapped my arms around his neck, drawn to him once again. As soon as I did that I felt him pull away. The smile back in place. "Sure."

With that he turned away from me and swaggered confidently into the thickening woods, his form shaking then shifting once more. Then he disappeared into the darkness.

Dazed I made my way back through the darkening woods to the house. I silently walked up to the back door, very much aware of my broken and more than likely bruised appearance. I stopped at the door to listen for any sounds of movement. I heard the game on the TV and the soft groan of the couch as Charlie shifted in his seat. I waited a bit more and slowly opened the old door.

It made the lightest of creaking sounds when I got it open far enough to squeeze through. I peeked my head in and then quickly slid in and shut the door. It closed with a soft click and I swiftly made my way to the stairs. When I got to the top I felt my breath come out in a whoosh at the same time I heard my name.

"Yes?" I asked startled, but I didn't turn around.

"Hey, I didn't know you made it back." Charlie called up from the bottom of the stairs.

"Uh, yeah, I've been here for a few minutes." I called back half running to my room.

"What happened to your shirt?" He hollered after me.

"Snagged on a tree!" I quickly shut my door and leaned against it. I felt my knees give out and I slid down to the floor. I put my face in my hands and began to cry.

My mind flashed through the events that had taken place over just the last month and my heart felt heavy with grief and shame. I sat my head back to take in a deep shaky breath and I caught sight of my hand. My wrist was a bright red in the shape of Jacob's fingers. On the back of my hand were the impressions of the bark of the tree that it was roughly pushed up against. My shirt and bra were trash bound, my jeans and shoes were covered in dirt and muck. I could only imagine what my _skin_ looked like.

With another deep sigh I wiped my face with my less bruised hand and pushed myself off of the floor. I removed my dilapidated clothes and found my old robe and tied it securely around my body. I grabbed a fresh set of clothes and cracked the door to hear where Charlie was. Then quickly made my way to the bathroom when I realized he was still downstairs.

Once in there I took the robe off and took a long glance in the mirror. The skin around my breasts, where Jacob attacked with his tongue, was beet red and swollen. I pressed my fingers lightly to them to inspect the damage, and sucked in a deep breath as I felt how tender they were. There were slight bite marks adorning my neck and throat. My thighs were also tender and red, no doubt my back looked worse. I closed my eyes and cringed, Edward's face popping into my mind. I turned around with fresh tears in my eyes and turned on the water.

I took my time in the shower. Sitting down and letting the warm water wash over me. When it started to turn cold, I stood up shakily and washed my body and hair. I gingerly stepped out of the shower and took another look at myself in the mirror. Hoping that the reddening would soon decrease.

After drying off then brushing through my hair, I tied it up in a wet sloppy ponytail and slid on my clothes. I made my way back to my room and gathered my old clothes and ran downstairs. I threw them into the wash and when they were done I found an old grocery bag and stuffed the torn shirt and bra in it, tying it up. I ran to the garbage can outside and threw it away. Hopefully getting rid of all traces of my shameful afternoon with Jacob Black.


	4. Cacophony of the Heart

**I APOLOGIZE FROM THE BOTTOM (and top) OF MY HEART! Unfortunately a lot has been going on with me. I had a couple of seizures (never had one before in my life) and then I had to pack up and move three states over to move back in with my parents. It's been crazy and my brain malfunctioned, but NOW, I'm back... and here's what you've been waiting for. - In this story "Bella" and Edward decide to make a little music. LEMONTASTIC!  
**

**Chapter 4: Cacophony of the Heart**

My heart was beating wildly in my chest. I couldn't seem to catch my breath. "Why are you doing this?!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. But instead of it coming out full of authority as I intended, it came out in a mousy squeak.

My hair was starting to get damp and some of it was sticking to my face and shoulders. I cried out again but was met with a gleeful laugh. Anger bubbled up in my chest and then was pushed out again in a whoosh. The blue of the sky mixed with the green of the trees that mixed with the yellow of the sun. My stomach churned.

"I think you should put her down Emmett." Alice called out to him in a calm voice.

Emmett's raucous laughter rang in my ear as the air whooshed past. The world seemed to stand still after what seemed like ages, but my head continued on it's roller coaster ride. "Okay, fine." He laughed again.

My feet were set down on shaky ground and my eyes couldn't focus on anything. I reached my hands out to balance myself, and I found a smooth large, broad chest. "I think I'm going to throw up."

More laughter rang through the air as Emmett took a small step back. The world tilted unwillingly to the left and I went right along with it. But before my face and the earth could reunite, I was snatched up and almost flying through the air.

"Emmett, I would appreciate it if you could stop spinning her around, just to watch her stumble about." Edward said with the slightest bit of malice in his voice as he cradled me to his chest.

"Yeah, she does enough of that on her own." Jasper called out with a laugh. Emmett joined in the laughter and a severe frown graced my face.

"I'm not a doll, Emmett." I called to him when I was sure my stomach wouldn't slide up through my esophagus.

"I know, I know… But how else am I supposed to get entertained?" He asked, quite seriously, with a broad smile. His white teeth shone brightly in the light, clashing with the sparkling glow of his skin, and it seemed to stretch clear across his face. To anyone who didn't know the big lug, they would probably pee their pants. But I can't help but smile back whenever I see his dimples.

"You have a lovely wife, right there." Edward said gracefully pointing a long wintry finger at Rosalie, who sparkled in the light of the sun. She was stretched out in the grassy knoll just beside the bubbling brook of the meadow.

Emmett grinned widely and Edward chuckled. Rose's head darted over in our direction. "Don't even think about it." She warned.

"Think about what?" Emmett asked taking a slow exaggerated step towards her.

"Emmett… I mean it." Rosalie said not moving from her relaxed position.

"Honey, I have no idea what you're talking about." He said with an innocent expression. How he pulls off innocent, I'll never understand. Suddenly he was at her side and she was up on her feet and before I could blink they were gone. A sparkling blur disappearing into the trees.

"We'll see them tomorrow." Alice said in a bored matter-of-fact voice.

Edward chuckled again and then sat down in the grass, still holding me against his chest. "Still feeling nauseated, love?" He asked looking into my eyes and smoothing my hair back from my face.

"No." I answered. For some reason I still couldn't formulate words when he looked at me like that.

"Good." He said with a satisfied smile. He brought his lips down and kissed the area right under my jaw.

"Mmhmm." Was all I could manage. I cuddled up closely to his stone chest and rested my face in the crack of his shoulder and neck, inhaling his sweet scent. His arms encircled me and I shivered despite the blaring warmth of the sun.

It was an unusually sunny day in Forks, so the vampires decided to take a day and relax in the sunshine that this town so rarely sees. Jasper and Alice leaned back in the grass side by side on their elbows, heads touching. They watched the clouds go by and tried to make out shapes. But before Jasper could name any one of them Alice would give her opinion on it.

"I'm telling you. It looks like a guitar." Jasper argued.

"I say it looks more like a vase." Alice countered. "And don't even think about trying to make me change my mind." Jasper chuckled lightly.

"I don't see how they do it." I whispered into Edward's neck.

"Do what?" He asked distractedly.

"How they can be so at ease knowing what the other can do…"

"Well, we've all had a very long time to get to know each other."

"I know that… I just mean. How you all can stay so calm and not get annoyed by one another."

"We get annoyed, believe me we do." He corrected with a laugh. "We just figure we have all eternity and it would be pointless to get angry about little things."

"What about big things?" I asked quietly, tracing circles with my fingers along his shimmering arm.

"Big things too, I assume. We're a family. It would take a lot to tear us apart."

"What about us?"

Edward gently nudged my head up with his shoulder, so that he could look into my eyes. "Why don't you tell me what you really want to ask me?" His breath blew across my face and tears stung my eyes.

"It's nothing really. I was just thinking…" I started blinking them back.

"About…?"

"About us. And the fact that we plan on being together forever. But… what if something happens? What if something, _big_, ends up tearing us apart before we can even begin forever?"

Edward looked at me for a long time, searching my eyes. His, golden from a recent hunt, were full of so many questions. "Again, it would take _a lot _to tear _us_ apart." He said with a sincere smile hinting at key words.

A smile spread across my own face in response to his, but I'm sure it didn't reach my eyes, because I didn't feel it. I didn't feel the same sense of trust and security that he felt, because I knew for a fact that I didn't deserve it. Not one single, solitary, ounce of it. I had broken my promise to him, _twice_. And feared deep down that it could very well happen again, despite my mind being dead set against it.

When Edward had come back from his trip my nerves were all in a jumble. Fear prevented me from smiling or getting too close to him, but love kept my face light and my hands linked with his. I was afraid to sleep at night because of what I might have dreamt about… and what I could have said...

"Are you all right?" Edward had asked that night, his arms wrapped securely around me.

"Fine." I had mumbled, my eyes wide open. But I was sure that he could hear the sound of my heart thundering in my chest. I had fought sleep until he started to sing my lullaby into my ear. And with that I dreamt of nothing but him.

That was almost a month ago. I hadn't heard from Jacob, nor did I try to contact him. Keeping a safe distance was key and it was also torture.

"What are you thinking?" Edward asked breaking into my thoughts. I didn't realize that I was still staring at him.

"Nothing." I said. My face flushed and I could almost bet that he took it as a blush.

"Well, nothing suits you." He said as his cool fingers came up to brush my cheek from temple to chin. That made me blush. He stared deep into my eyes for a while, dazzling me yet again. Then suddenly he looked away and to Alice.

A wide smile crossed her face and she nodded once. Jasper looked up at Edward with a smirk and Edward laughed out loud. It all happened in the blink of an eye, I was surprised I caught any of it.

"What was that about?" I asked when Edward's laughter died down.

"You'll see." He whispered with a lopsided grin. Then he was up and slinging me onto his back. "Hold on, love."

"Wait a min-" I tried to protest, but he was off like a shot. I wouldn't have been surprised if we were running along side a bullet. I shut my eyes tightly, and held on for dear life. I felt and heard the wind rushing past and nothing more. I cracked my eye open just a bit to see us flying through the trees, nearly missing them, like always. I hurried to close it back.

Soon the rushing wind came to a stop and Edward was chuckling softly. "We're here." He said lightly touching my arm. I could feel how tight they were around his neck when he touched me.

I looked up to see that we were at his house. I uncoiled myself, while he helped. But instead of setting my feet on the ground, he slung me up into his arms. "Oooh, more service." I laughed as I gently wrapped my arms back around his neck and kissed him lightly on the lips.

He laughed with me, "Your wish is my command."

"I've all ready got my wish." I cooed kissing his nose. Or did I? I felt doubt pulling at the strings of my heart while Edward held me closer and bounded up the stairs to his house.

With one hand he opened the door and then set me on my feet. He quickly placed a kiss on my lips and then spun me around covering my eyes.

"Whoa!" I cried as I felt the room spin. "I think I've had enough of that for one day."

"I'm sorry," He laughed. "I just wanted to surprise you."

"Uhh… Edward…" I groaned. "Did you buy me something?"

"No," He said, his voice covered in defense. "I bought _me_ something." Edward cooed as he shuffled me forward. He dropped his hands from my face. "Ta-da!"

"You got a new one." I breathed as my eyes zeroed in on the brand new grand piano.

"Yes, I did. It was just delivered. When I saw it I immediately thought of you." His eyes danced when he said this. I caught sight of the inscription as we were heading the rest of the way towards it. "_Bella Sinfonia._ It means 'Beautiful Symphony' in Italian." My heart all but sank to the bottom of my feet. I wanted to kick it as he grabbed my hand and I was dragged along behind him to the piano.

"Ah." Was all I could manage as I admired the glossy black finish. My fingers lightly trailed over the expensive and large instrument. "Most have cost a pretty penny."

"It cost enough." Edward said with a dismissive shrug, the perfect picture of ease as he smoothly sat down on the stool. Of course he didn't worry about the price of a piano. Who would when they had all eternity? "I wrote you a new song. Would you like to hear it?" He asked, his eyes reminded me of a small child wanting desperately to please.

"Of course." I smiled sincerely. I could never turn down a musical concerto from Edward.

He smiled at me, his teeth flashed in the gleam of lights reflecting from the piano. His long smooth fingers stretched out about the keys and he closed his eyes as a beautiful symphony of sounds careened through the air. The intricate melody seemed a bit rushed, less melancholy than my lullaby. His fingers moved fluidly across the keys, each sound spiraling into the next.

I felt myself drifting toward him as I watched the movement of his fingers. His eyes opened slowly and landed on my own. He stared deeply into my eyes as the song seemed to envelop us in the moment. My heart soared as I felt the love flowing from his fingers. "What's it called?" I whispered.

"_Resa Silenziosa._" He murmured, his fingers perfectly coaxing the sounds into music.

I smiled and cocked my head to the side, hinting that I had no idea what he had just said.

His own smile widened. "Roughly translated, it means 'Silent Surrender'. Or, to be more accurate- My Unspoken Surrender. "

My smile faltered a bit and I struggled to keep it in place. I felt the tears threatening again, the beauty of the moment, tainted by thoughts of my indiscretions. A few escaped as the song floated to an end.

Edward sat and watched me as the tears flowed freely. Searching my eyes once again. He continued to watch as my face fell and a sob escaped my lips. He calmly reached out his hand, offering it to me instead of just taking my own hand.

I looked at his hand a little longer than I intended before placing mine in his cool grasp. He slowly pulled me to him, lifted me up, and then sat me on his lap. I swallowed and looked off into the wide expanse of the living room. "Do you need words?"

"What?" I asked, finally dragging my tear laden eyes back to him.

"Do you need words?" He asked again, wiping the tears from my eyes. "Do I need to tell you?"

"Edward…"

"Because I do. I surrender everything that I am to you. This shell, this still heart… every facet of this deplorable creature that I am… belongs to you. And you alone. I love you."

"I don't deserve you." I whispered.

"And I don't deserve you." He laughed. "But haven't we been through this? Haven't we been through enough to know that we can _not _be without each other?"

I didn't have to think to know that almost every word that he said was true. But I was sticking to the fact that it was _I_ that didn't deserve _him_. I simply nodded my agreement, too despised with myself to hear my own voice.

Edward curled one finger under my chin and turned my face back towards him. "I need you."

A chill raced up and down my spine as he breathed the words across my face. Before I could answer him, his lips were devouring my own. The cold truth of his words pressing tantalizingly against me. I leaned my hand back and onto the keys, a cacophony of sounds rang in the air, as I shifted to straddle him on the stool.

I shivered again as his cool hands slid underneath my shirt, then he encircled my waist pulling me closer to him. My body melted into his chest, my arms wrapped around his neck, and my hands engaged in the hair on his head. I breathed him in with each breath, dizzy with a growing lust. "I love you…" He whispered breaking the kiss.

His lips found the skin around my mouth, my chin, my throat… inhaling, as he caressed. "And, I love you." I whispered back. I lifted my arms as he began to raise my shirt up and over my head. His lips then quickly found the hollow at the base of my throat. I leaned back against the piano to give him access, once again hitting the keys. The notes lingered in the air as Edward breathed my name against my skin.

He trailed kisses down to my breasts. His hands cupped each one over the fabric of my bra. My fingers gripped tighter in his bronze hair and my elbows continued to slide across the ivory keys, as the chill emanating from his body ran through my own. Edward's mouth found its way to my nipples, soaking the fabric that lay between.

My head fell back onto the piano reveling in the feel of him. His mouth, his hands, his strong legs beneath me, his own growing lust pressing against that now aching part of me. "Mmm, Edward…" Even his name rolling off of my tongue made me senseless.

He kissed his way back up to my lips, all care gone as he plunged his tongue into my mouth. I reached for the hem of his shirt and tugged up, with one lithe movement he sat back and removed it, then was back at my lips like he had never moved. His cool arms encircled my waist again, pressing me impossibly closer to his chest. "I want to do this right. _Voglio fare l'amore con te_."

"What?" I asked breathlessly, looking up into his scorching, golden eyes.

"I want to make love to you."

I felt the ache in the very core of me grow more fiery at his words. I also felt the tears threaten my eyes again. I placed my hands on the sides of his face and sighed deeply. "Edward…"

"Do you want me to make love to you?" He asked, sincerely, searching my eyes.

I nodded.

"Then say it." He prodded, a smile playing at his cold lips.

"I…" I started running my fingers over his bottom lip.

"Yes?"

"Want you…"

"Go on." He smiled sucking my finger into his mouth, carefully keeping his teeth away.

I leaned in, removing my finger and kissing him fully on the mouth. "To make love to me." I whispered.

A spark of something dark and beautiful flashed through his eyes as he smiled again. "With pleasure." He added before he attacked my mouth. He wrapped his arms securely around my waist, as I wrapped my legs around his. "_Mmm.. ti desidero_..."

"And what does that mean?" I asked with a small laugh between kisses.

"That I want you." He whispered.

"Tell me again."

"_Ti desidero_... _Creiamo la nostra melodia._" He cooed.

A soft moan escaped my lips as I let them travel around his mouth and chin just as he did the same. I felt our breathing become erratic as we continued to ravish each other. His arms tightened around me as I felt his hips slowly begin to press harder against me. I wanted to feel him inside of me right then and there, but I also wanted to prolong the moment. _Don't rush it. _

A small tremor erupted through my body as I felt his icy fingers shimmy up my spine and then to the clasp of my bra. He quickly unhooked it and I unwrapped my arms from around him to take it off, then threw it behind him and it fluttered to the floor near the bottom of the stairs.

I felt the tremor grow a bit stronger as he stood and placed my body on the keys, sending more notes resonating throughout the room. He leaned over and pressed me up against the cool glossy finish of the piano, kissing me more ardently than before.

His hands cupped my now bare breasts, squeezing them lightly and pinching my nipples between his fingers. The moan that started against his lips soon was let out as his head dipped and his tongue found the skin on my chest. He licked his way down to the very tip of each nipple, causing them to harden considerably, continuously repeating the action. I could feel the moisture gathering, and I knew he could sense it by the way my heart fluxed. The cool sensational feeling of his tongue zigzagged through that valley between my breasts, then kissed the area over my heart. "Mine." He breathed.

My heart beat increased slightly as the room spun a little. My hands gripped under the keys, trying to find some balance, some stability, even though I knew he would never let me fall. His hands soon gripped under me and he lifted me up higher and higher, trailing kisses down the middle of my stomach until he placed my feet on the piano stool. I ran my hands through his hair as his graceful fingers worked the button and zipper on my jeans.

He laid his hands on my hips, then slid them around to the back. He then slid his entire hands in to the top of my jeans, pulling me closer as he gripped my buttocks. "Mine." He said possessively with a smile, kissing the top of my panties, then slid them and my jeans down.

I laughed, but it was cut short as he slung me over his shoulder. While my feet were in the air I tried, unsuccessfully, to kick my jeans and shoes off. He laughed as he gently brought my now naked body down and sat it on the top of the piano. He brought his face down to my thighs and kissed each one, letting his hands slide down the length of my legs. I was instantly aware of the fact that I hadn't shaved, as his smooth hands caressed the stubble there. I blushed scarlet.

He looked up as he easily pulled off my failed attempts, then placed my bare feet on the keys. His smile widened as he caught my embarrassment. "I'm almost surprised that I'm not bleeding." He murmured in mock shock, as he inspected his hand.

"Shut up!" I giggled, kicking at him. But, of course, he was quicker than me. He caught my leg and brought it up to his angelic face and rubbed his cheek against it.

"If I could bleed, I would bleed happily for you." I blushed again as he turned his lips to it, placing gentle kisses on my stubbly leg. I leaned back on my elbows on the piano and smiled as he kissed his way up my leg, to my thigh. "I think this is one of my favorite parts of your body, besides your face." He said leaning on his hands over me.

"Oh really?" I smiled, crossing my legs.

"Oh yes." He said with a very serious face, uncrossing them, but letting his hand linger on the inside of my thigh.

"And why is that?" I asked, even though I was pretty sure I all ready knew the answer.

"Because..." He whispered leaning in closer to my face. "You just taste so good here." He slid his finger in and swirled it around that spot, delving into the moisture there, and then placed it into his mouth. "It's the only way I get to really taste you."

Another smile broke out across my face and I bit my bottom lip as my body reacted with a small jerk. I could think of another way, but I wasn't going to ruin his mood.

A satisfied smile spread across his face. "Delicious." He ducked his head and put my leg over his shoulder. He kissed the area around my opening and then swiped his long cool tongue along the length of my clit. I leaned back as he continued to sensuously tease and caress me. Circling around and around. His cool breath adding to the sensation.

My body arched off the piano as I felt his hand grip tighter on my thigh and his tongue got more involved. His lips moved against me as he began to growl. I could feel the vibrations flowing from his chest up to his mouth. Edward's other hand eased up, dipping into me, wetting his fingers. He caressed it gently, making the arch in my body much more prominent. I couldn't take it anymore...

"Come here." I breathed as I sat up. I reached my hands down and pulled his face up to mine. The smirk on his lips glistened from the excitement that he had caused, which made me all the more eager to feel him. I pressed my lips hungrily against his, tasting myself on his lips. "Make love to me." I moaned feeling his hands on my back.

Edward took a step back to remove his pants, which he did at his human pace. My body writhed as I watched, in complete awe of his glory, yet again. His smile widened as he felt the anticipation rolling off of me. I couldn't keep still. "You ready?"

"You have no idea."

He lightly sniffed the air and then licked his lips. "Oh... I think I have some." He took that one agonizingly slow step and closed the gap, I felt his stone cold skin rub against my legs, as his face drew slowly closer to mine. His sweet breath, coming just as fast as my own, was smooth as silk across my face. He inched closer and closer until our lips were a mere breath apart. His hands moved up my legs, past my thighs, and onto my hips, then he slid my body off the piano. I wrapped my legs around him and sighed with utter contentment.

He guided himself into me, holding me as tightly as he dared. His lips grazed a trail from my cheek, down my neck, and then across my shoulder. Slowly he moved our bodies together, melding into one another like ice into fire and then back again. He continued to move us, our mouths finding the other's again. My hands gripping around his shoulders, holding on to my everything.

Our breathing increased even more, as I wanted more of him. And just as if he _could_ hear my thoughts he set me on my feet and spun me around. As he bent my body over the piano, I felt him re-enter me. Filling me to the brim. A deep moan escaped my lips, as my hands smacked the surface of the piano. My skin slapped against his, slowly. Again the comforting sound of flesh hitting stone filled my ears. The strings inside the piano echoed with each meeting, each thundering pound, of our bodies. His cool lips once again grazed the skin on my shoulder as he sucked on the skin there.

A growling moan ripped its way from Edward's chest, sending the vibrations along my spine. His movements began to increase as my breathing became louder and more shaky. My body was wedged between him and the piano, my breasts smashed against it's surface, while his hands gripped it, on each side of me. I held on while he continued to surge into me. My face pressed against the top, now slick with my sweat.

The piano began to shake, almost violently, the strings inside echoing loudly. The distinct sound of wood threatening to split caught my ear. My hands quickly found his. I pushed my body roughly against his and tried to pry his hands from the piano. I turned my head and kissed his jaw.

He caught control of himself and wrapped his arms around me, pulling us away from the piano. Before I knew it, I was kneeling on the stairs with his arms still wrapped around me. Edward's hand slid down and he pressed his fingers against the part of me that made me crazy. I felt the pressure increasing. "Oh God..."

"Come on... _Canta per me_..." He breathed heavily into my ear. He sucked my lobe into his mouth and bit down softly, careful not to break the skin.

The feeling of his teeth on my skin sent my senses spiraling. His movements sped up as he sensed my upcoming release. My body shook as another moan poured it's way past my lips. I braced my hands on the stair above me.

Edward's arms soon left my body and his hands gripped the railings on either side of us. He continued to pound into me, sending my teeth knocking and my breath short. I was no longer in control as the screaming moans tore from my chest. My nails scratched, then my fists pounded at the stair.

My heart screamed and my body reacted as I felt Edward's shaking body vibrate through me. The sounds of our frenzied screams mixed with a cracking sound as he spilled into me and I came all around him. Our bodies continued to shake as we both came down from our high. I sighed as my legs gave way and I went crashing onto the stairs, with Edward's cold wet body on top of me.

Soon I felt his arms wrap around me again and then he lifted me into the air. I found the source of the cracking sound, the now splintered railings, and chuckled. "Well, at least it wasn't your new piano."

"If I wasn't all ready dead, I would be in trouble." He laughed. He lay down on the rug near the piano, draping me over his cool body. My muscles relaxed completely as we settled on the floor. The sweat from my body mixed with the temperature from his skin, making me shiver. "You're cold." He stated preparing to move.

"Nooo." I whined as I grasped at his stony skin. "Don't move. I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive." I smiled, lying my head in between his neck and shoulder, sighing as I breathing the mixture of us in.

He began to rub his hands along my bare skin, trying to cause the friction to warm me. "I love you."

"I love you too." I said with a smile.

"_Se battesse ancora, saresti l'eco del mio cuore_."

My smiled widened, not knowing what he said, but loving the sound of it. I listened to our breathing and felt myself drifting into a state of calm. Something I hadn't felt in a while, lying in the alabaster safety of his arms.


	5. Unprepared

**A/N- Hey guys! So... I had a brilliant idea and I had to wait to post this so that I could work everything out. ANNND here is the next chapter. Hope you guys enjoy this Lemonade! Tis _quite_ refreshing!**

**Talk about torn! In this chapter "Bella" is completely unprepared...  
**

**Chapter 5: Unprepared...**

The next week went by as if I were floating on a cloud. My seconds, my minutes, hours, and days were consumed by Edward. Everything about us was heightened. A touch, a kiss, a smile, a laugh, a look. Every time either one of us looked at the other my heart fluttered more than usual.

I felt his eyes on me even now as we lounged on his bed. "That's very distracting." I smiled not even looking up from my book.

"Well,_ you're_ very distracting."

"I'm not even doing anything," I protested with a laugh, finally rolling on my side and looking up into his golden eyes. Immediately, my heart responded.

"You're breathing... and your heart is beating a mile a minute."

"Oh... Well, let me just stop," I laughed, rolling my eyes and flopping back on the bed. Edward laughed. "It's your fault anyway."

"And how is that?" He asked, putting his book down, and sitting straight up from his relaxed position at the foot of the bed.

"Staring at me like that." I pointed at him with my toe.

He caught my foot in his cold hands and started to massage it. I giggled as he kissed the very tip of my big toe. "I can't help it."

"I guess I can forgive you then," I sighed as he kissed the top of my foot. He sat up on his knees, leaned over me, and began a trail of kisses up my bare leg. He hovered over my panties and looked up at me with a smile on his face.

"I knew you would." He inhaled deeply and laid a lingering kiss on top of them. "I love it when you don't wear pants." He whispered, making me blush as I felt his lips moving against me. He then lifted my shirt up and licked the skin just below my belly button, blowing his breath to make my body shiver.

I let my fingers run through his hair as he came up and placed kisses along my collar bone, blazing a trail up my neck and landing on my lips. He stretched out along my body as I automatically molded to him. Holding my face in his hands, he slid his tongue carefully into my mouth. Kissing me slowly and tenderly, taking my breath away.

When he noted the change in my heart beat, he broke the kiss, and rolled us over. I pressed myself against him and let my knees fall to either side of his body. His hands flowed down the curve at the small of my back and then gripped my buttocks, squeezing lightly.

My lips graced every beautiful inch of his face, until I decided I didn't want to breathe again. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him up to me. Our lips danced feverishly. I felt his arms tighten around my waist as he pushed himself against my now moist panties.

A quick rap at the door made us both pause. I waited for the vampire on the other side to say something, but Edward's teeth snapping together was all I got. "Very funny Emmett!" He called out. Emmett's booming laugh reached us from another part of the house. Edward laughed, then fell back against the pillows with my favorite crooked smile in place.

I sighed heavily and folded my arms. "Glad you could find the humor in that."

"Aw, come on," He laughed pulling me down towards him. I rested my head on my folded arms on his chest. "It's not like we can't get started again." He grabbed my bottom again and scooted me up to his face.

"But it's getting late," I murmured as he kissed the tip of my nose.

"Since when does something like that bother you?" He laughed.

"Usually it doesn't. But I don't want Charlie to start in on me again."

"You're right," Edward sighed. "Besides, Esme is a little nervous for the furniture." He added with a sly smile.

"Oooh..." I moaned dropping my head on his shoulder in shame. Two reasons my face was probably now a nice scarlet. The fact that she could hear us and the fact that she had to get new railings because Edward had snapped the other ones right off the wall. My mind all but danced into my memories of that eventful day on his piano. From the first note to the last, he had me in a complete craze.

"Let's get some pants on you and bring you home." He laughed nudging my face up with his shoulder.

"Okay." I muttered as he maneuvered from under me and then got off the bed. I crawled to the end and sat on the edge. He handed me my pants and watched as I stood and slid them on.

"That is a _very sad _sight." He said with a shake of his head.

I laughed until he picked me up and threw me over his shoulder. "EDWARD!" I cried as he darted from the room. We were downstairs before I knew it. He slowed to a walk and set me on my feet near his piano, my mouth widened into a smile.

Esme came from around the corner with a very motherly look on her face. "Goodnight sweetheart."

"Goodnight," I answered, unable to remove the smile. "Goodnight everyone!" I called. The replies were scattered as Edward walked over and lightly kissed Esme on her cheek.

He came back and grabbed my hand and we strolled out to his car. Edward laughed and kissed my forehead as he opened my door for me. He then got in and we were on our way. All the while, my smile never wavered.

My cheeks were aching by the time we pulled up in front of the house. Mainly because his hand never moved from it's place on my thigh. "Are you coming up?" I asked staring into Edward's face.

"Of course. He smiled, lightly squeezing my thigh.

"Okay," I sighed. I leaned over and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Thank you for today."

His arms encircled my waist and pulled me over onto his lap. "No, thank _you_." He smiled slyly.

I laughed and planted a kiss lightly on his lips. But Edward's tongue gently slid past my own and he held me closer to him. My fingers laced through his hair as his arms tightened around me. "Mmmm...," I mumbled after a while, pulling away slightly.

"Hmm?" He asked breathlessly, trying to pull me back.

"I should go before we start up again and then you end up breaking your wheel or something." I smiled against his lips and kissed him once more.

"Yes, you should." He muttered, breaking the kiss slightly.

"Okay."

"Okay," He copied, still kissing me.

"I'm gonna go..." I mumbled kissing him back.

"I'll see you upstairs."

"See you..." My fingers gripped the back of his neck once more and pulled his face dangerously closer to mine, kissing him intently. I felt him groan deeply and then gently push my face away.

"Go," He laughed. "Or I won't be able to let you leave the car."

"Is that a promise?" I cooed. But I kissed him one more time and made my way off of his lap. My arm slipped and honked the horn once. "Oops!"

Edward laughed and then suddenly his head cocked to the side. All traces of laughter gone. "You had better get inside." He said grimly.

"Why? What is it?" I asked now alarmed.

"Come on," He opened his door and helped me get to my feet and then got out behind me.

"What is it? What's wrong?" I asked again as he placed his hand at the small of my back and rushed me to the door.

Just then Charlie opened the door, a grave look on his face. "There you are. We need to get to the hospital."

"Why? What's going on?" Anxiety now building in my chest.

"It's Billy. Sam just called, there was an accident..."

My eyes opened wide as thoughts of Jacob automatically filled my head. "Dad, what happened? Was Jacob..." But my words caught in my throat.

"I'm not sure. Just come on." He said turning me towards his cruiser. But I hurried the rest of the way ahead of him, wrenching the door open and preparing to hop in.

"I'll meet you there." A velvet voice called from behind me. I turned to see Edward still near the door, a mixture of emotions that I couldn't name crossed his face in a flash.

"Oh, Edward..." Uncertainty gave me pause, one foot in the cruiser and the other turned to return to him.

"No, go. I will meet you there."

"It'd be better if you didn't Edward. We don't know what condition everyone will be in." Charlie said. He was all ready in the car, reaching across to pull me in. He didn't need to say the name aloud for all of us to know who "everyone" meant.

He pulled me the rest of the way into the car. "I'll call you," I said to him as I shut the door. Charlie had all ready started it and was pulling out of the driveway. I turned in my seat to see Edward now standing next to his car watching us drive away. The feeling of emptiness and anxiety started to grow in the pit of my stomach with each inch of distance put between us. "What happened?" I asked as I turned back around.

Charlie's face was drawn down in a frown. "Well, Sam just called and said that Billy was at the hospital and that there had been an accident. He seemed a bit rushed so I didn't get anymore details."

"He didn't say anything about Jake?"

"No, I've been wondering about that too." Charlie said and I could see the frown deepen.

I tried to push down the fear that was starting to replace the emptiness. My thoughts began to run right into the other. What kind of accident? How badly was Billy hurt? Because he didn't mention Jacob, did that mean he was okay? Charlie gently patted my leg that, I hadn't even noticed, was shaking.

We rode in silence the rest of the short way to the hospital. By the time we got there I was pretty sure I would throw up from my nervousness. As we entered the doors I caught sight of Paul, Jared and Quil stiffen considerably as their eyes darted in our direction. I also noticed how their noses scrunched as the wind blew my hair across my face.

Sam stood and greeted us, but I couldn't focus on anything he said. My eyes darted around the waiting room. "Where's Jacob?"

"He's... not here." A voice answered. I hadn't even noticed Leah standing silently behind the other boys. As soon as I saw her, images of that day in the forest filled my head. A flash in her eyes let me know, that she was possibly thinking the same thing.

"But is he okay?" I asked anxiously. Charlie's hands were on my shoulders. I was shaking.

Just then Carlisle entered the room and once again all the wolves' backs went stiff. "So far, so good," He announced to the anxious group. "He should make a full recovery. All he'll be needing is some rest."

"Will someone tell me what happened?!" I said a little louder than I actually meant to.

Carlisle's eyes zeroed in on me and he walked up and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Billy just had a minor heart attack. Everything should be fine," He assured me. He turned to my father. "Charlie." He nodded extending his hand out.

"Carlisle," He said as he shook it.

I walked off to leave them talking, finding a seat near Quil. I sat down and placed my face in my hands. Battling against my overwhelming urge to sob. But tears of relief slid down my face.

Quil walked over and placed a comfortingly hot arm around my shoulders. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I sniffed. "I was just... _really_ worried. But where is Jacob? Shouldn't he be here?"

"He would have, but considering the circumstances..." Leah piped up.

"What circumstances?" I asked.

"Oh... I think you know." She hinted with a sly smile on her face.

I felt my cheeks flush with a bit of anger. I turned back to Quil to avoid a confrontation with her. "Please, just tell me where he is."

"He might be at the house."

"Will you take me to him?"

The muted sound of a phone ringing nearby caught my ear. Carlisle excused himself from his conversation with Charlie and Sam.

"Uh... I guess I could." Quil answered uncertainly.

We stood and I hurried over to let Charlie know, but before I could get to him, I felt a cold hand on my shoulder.

"May I speak to you in private?" Carlisle asked politely.

"Of course..." I felt all the color drain from my face.

He placed his hand on my back and walked me to a far corner in the waiting room. "That was Edward on the phone. I let him know that you were here and safe and that I would keep an eye on you. I also informed him of the situation."

I nodded and tried to keep my face light.

"He also asked me to ask you to not leave the hospital." I caught the full meaning behind that phrase. _Don't go find Jacob._

"What?" I asked taken aback.

"I asked him not to come down here because the situation is all ready quite stressful. Please, don't give him reason to."

I simply nodded and walked back to where Quil was standing. "Just a minute," I told him as I sat down. How could he ask me _not_ to go check on a friend who was in crisis? Despite all the things that happened, this goes beyond some stupid mistake... _mistakes_... I need to see him. It hit me just then.

He had to call to make sure I made it here. Which meant that he couldn't have Alice watching me. Which meant that I could go without him knowing and be back before Carlisle realized I was gone. It was going to be tricky.

I waited impatiently until Carlisle walked back out of the waiting room. "Okay, let's go." I stood up and grabbed Quil's hand and rushed past a confused Charlie. "I'll be right back Dad." I heard him call after me, but I couldn't stop.

"Whoa, what's going on?" Quil asked as I pulled him out the doors.

"I can't really explain, but we have to move quickly."

"Okay..." Luckily his confusion didn't cause his steps to slow. He moved swiftly to an old car that I knew quite well.

I searched the night for any signs of movement, knowing that I would see none, so I decided to watch Quil instead. He got into the Rabbit without any signs of trouble nearby. So I let my frazzled nerves settle.

"Sorry about that." I apologized, as we started the drive to La Push.

"It's okay. I understand."

"You do?"

"Yeah... Probably more than you know." Quil stole a quick glance at me, that I caught. He knew. Which meant they all knew. No doubt Leah let them all know before Jacob could even think about it.

"Oh..." Was all I could manage.

"I don't really know how good an idea this is."

"Why's that?"

"Well..."

"You can tell me."

"He's been having a rough time lately. You know?"

Even though it was meant to be rhetorical, I think I did know. It was almost a month and a half ago that I had last seen Jacob. And the first time that I had ever feared him. But when he left me in the woods, he seemed confident, unfazed. But I knew him, and I knew that inside he was hurting. Despite my idyllic days spent with Edward, I was hurting too.

I had built up the courage to call him at least twice since then, during one of those rare times that Edward and I were apart. Once about a week ago and then yesterday. Billy had answered both times with the usual- _"He's not here."_ I decided to just give up. What was I going to say to him anyway?

We finally pulled up in front of the Black's tiny house and I jumped out into the night air. I stood on the path heading to the front door but couldn't make myself go any further. My memories made me expectant to see his wonderful smiling face emerge from the door. But I was met with the still darkness. "Jacob?" I called out, knowing he could hear me. "Is he here?"

"I don't think so. Hold on," Quil turned and headed into the trees. I stood in the night and waited anxiously for his return.

The small sound of a snapping twig made me jump. I peered into the night in the direction that it came from. I saw no movement from the side of the house. I took a cautious step to try to see further around to the back. "Quil?" I called out. But heard no answer.

I took a deep breath and stepped closer to the car, preparing to jump in if I needed to. As if something like _metal_ could stop whatever wanted to come for me. I cringed at the thought of that potential danger and put my back against the door. Something wet landed on my cheek. I looked up and was splattered with more raindrops.

"Great..." Another sound in the direction behind the car made me jump about a mile high. I went for the handle. Locked. Damn it. "Quil!" I called a little louder. "Jake?!"

Again, no answer. Looking around and seeing nothing but darkness and the falling rain only intensified my fear. I quickly found my way to the path that led to the little garage behind the house. I stumbled a couple of times over nothing in particular, until I saw the makeshift shelter and ran inside.

I shut the door behind me and cut off my only source of light. "Shit," I mumbled as I pushed my wet hair from my face.

"Learn that language from your boyfriend?" A deep, husky, and familiar voice asked from behind me.

The scream that bubbled it's way past my lips seemed to start at my feet.

"HEY!" Jacob called. "It's just me!"

I scrambled to find the light then switched it on. "Well, how in the HELL am I supposed to know that?!" I squeaked pressing my hand against my heart to get it to calm down.

Jacob smiled half-heartedly and shrugged his broad shoulders. He was sitting with his bare back pressed up against the wall, with his arms resting on his knees.

"Didn't you hear me calling for you?" I asked, once I could catch my breath.

"Yeah," He answered nonchalantly.

"And..."

"And I didn't... No... _don't_ really feel like being bothered."

His blatant dismissal of me caught me off guard. "Well, I... I was just coming to check on you. I just came from the hospital after hearing about Bil-"

"Yeah, I'm fine. So you can go now." He mumbled putting his head down.

My jaw went slack as I found I didn't really have much else to say that wanted to be heard. "Okay..." I turned dejectedly to leave. But then a sudden burst of anger spun me back around. "You know what? I can _not_ believe you."

"Excuse me?"

"You! Sitting here, while your father is cooped up in the hospital. How you can let a silly, I don't know, _rivalry_ stand in the way of your concern for your father!"

"You don't know anything."

"Okay, well, why don't you enlighten me?"

"I'm not in the mood for this," He huffed, hopping gracefully to his feet.

"Jacob, what is your problem?" I asked angrily not caring what kind of mood he was in.

"Yeah, I don't think you want to go there." He laughed bitterly as he took two long strides to stand in front of me.

I stood my ground as he waited for me to move from in front of the door. "I asked didn't I?"

Jacob lowered his face close to mine, his warm breath blowing across my dampened cheeks. "You." He answered. Suddenly, I felt his large hands on my waist as he lifted me, then set me down on the other side of him. With that, he pulled the thin door open and stalked out into the now pouring rain.

"I'm really getting sick of you walking away from me!" I shouted as I followed behind him.

"Sounding a bit hypocritical there," He called over his shoulder.

"Jacob, I am just trying to find out what happened tonight!"

"You want to know?" He asked stopping suddenly and spinning on his heel.

"Yes!"

"I almost killed my father tonight."

The rain seemed to come down harder, as a flash of lightning brightened the sky. I felt my eyes widen in shock at his words. "What?"

He heaved a heavy sigh and brought his hands up to smooth over his face. "I couldn't... I lost control. _Again_. He just asked me if I was going to call you back..." He seemed to say more to himself than me.

I waited patiently for him to continue. I saw the pain flood his face in the dim light and I instantly wanted to wrap myself around him.

"All the thoughts of _you_ just started rushing through my head and I couldn't contain myself. I lost it. I came within inches of..." He shook his head. "His mouth just popped open and I started to come to. By the time I fully came back to myself he was slumped over in his chair, sort of in a daze. Everyone came running a few minutes later and rushed him off to the hospital. I couldn't bring myself to even..."

"Oh, Jake..." I felt the tears starting to well up in my eyes. I took a step forward and placed a hand on his arm. His eyes slowly traveled to look down at my hand clashing with the beautiful brown skin of his arm.

Another wave of sadness seemed to wash over his face. Without another word he turned away from me and headed into the backdoor of the house.

I shivered and wiped the rain and the tears from my face as I tried to decide what to do. I didn't want to leave Jacob, but I also believed that he didn't want me there. I couldn't leave because Quil disappeared. I sighed heavily, wrapping my arms around myself, and made my way into the house.

The only light inside came from the moon, which barely shown through the rain. I felt my way along the wall until I realized that I was in the living room, where Jacob's large frame was hunched over on the sofa.

"Jake..." My words caught in my throat as a sob escaped from him. I rushed over and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. Leaning my head on his. "He's going to be all right. He will."

"What?" He sniffed, lifting his head. His face was within inches of mine.

I kneeled down in front of him and cupped his face in my hands. "He's going to be fine. Carlisle said that he's going to make a full recovery."

"Oh, God." Jacob heaved a sigh of relief and pulled me into his arms. The heat from his body warmed me inside and out. I snuggled in closer to him, feeling his chin rest on top of my head.

After a few minutes, Jacob's hold on me loosened. I sat back and looked into his tear reddened eyes. There was still so much sadness there. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to his cheek, wiping the tears that remained away. I let my thumb caress the smooth skin of his face. My other hand followed then, tracing his full lips. Lips that I have missed more than I even knew.

Jacob's eyes slid closed as he leaned into my caress. His large hands coming up to hold my own in place. I felt the tremble in his lips, then I felt the ache to kiss him. The sudden magnetic pull that fought with my senses. I bit my bottom lip and inched closer.

Suddenly, his eyes popped open and a low growl leapt from his chest. He pushed himself off of the sofa and stepped past me. The tears began to flow again. I stood slowly but didn't turn around. I was too ashamed to face him. "I'll leave, if that's what you want."

The complete silence made me hang my head even further, as I was sure he had left the room. Slowly, I turned around to see him standing in the far corner of the room, his shoulders heaving up and down. Another flash of lightning lit up the room, revealing the fresh wave of tears that were streaming down his face.

In three quick steps I was across the room, throwing myself into his arms. He caught me easily, pressing me closer to his body. Our lips met with a fire that burned its way from the soul. One hand held me to him as his other gripped tightly in my hair.

A dull ache began at the pit of me. I breathed him in, gasping, sucking, licking every inch of his face that I could. Drinking him in ardently. My hands gripped and roamed over his back and shoulders, through his hair, across his face. But it wasn't enough and I feared that it would never be enough.

His fevered grip around me tightened as I wrapped my legs around him. I kicked off my shoes as I felt him stagger over to the sofa, dropping down to his knees before it. He slid me onto the cushions, but kept his arms firmly around me.

I sat back and yanked my shirt over my head. Then I grabbed fistfuls of his hair and tried to pull him as close to me as I could get him. "Wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait," he whispered raggedly, resisting.

"What?" I asked anxiously.

"What... What are you...?"

"I don't know," I shrugged still trying to pull him back to me. I couldn't seem to stop myself. "I _want_ you."

Another groan from him sent me into a frenzy. Finally, he stopped resisting and crushed me to him. I felt the muscles in his arms flex against my back, which caused the ache to intensify. I wanted to feel all of him against me, inside of me. I began to grind myself against him, feeling that part of him, that I wanted the most, rise.

Jacob's hand found the front of my jeans, rubbing against the outside of them to touch me. The heat of his hand seeped through the thick denim and I grew wetter still. My body tightened in anticipation, then jerked as his fingers grazed my clit. A deep moan rumbled through him and he maneuvered his hand to the top of my jeans, popping the button open and sliding down the zipper in one fluid motion. His long fingers slid into me easily and his groaning deepened as he felt how wet I already was.

I was saturated, as his fingers moved vehemently, spreading to every part of me that ached for his touch. The wet pad of his thumb locked onto my sweet spot, rubbing it slowly, from side to side. I dug my nails into the skin of his shoulders and he pulled me harder to his chest with his other arm and stifled a grunt.

"Jake, God you feel so good…" I sighed. My voice was weak but I knew he could hear the emotion behind it. I swallowed away the lump in my throat and breathed in Jacob's heady scent. He was still slick with rain water, and his face was wet with tears. Love flowed through my veins, accompanied by a lust that threatened to be my undoing.

"You can have me if you really want me," Jacob rasped. He pushed his face into my neck, licking and sucking on the spot beneath my ear. I tugged on his ponytail and loosed the jet black hair, letting it fall free. It swept down and tickled my cheek – a feeling I would never forget.

I did want him. There was no denying myself that desire to offer my body up to him. But try as I might, my mind slid back into a spiral that lead nowhere but down. Down into the core of me that ached and protested. The part of me – no, not the part – the whole that belonged to Edward. My entirety, my existence, my soul. Nothing in the world could take my love and devotion away from Edward.

Nothing would even stand the chance of coming between us.

Yet, I pined for something more. Something that only Jake could give me.

I needed Jake as much as he needed me. Which shot the doubt into my mind, making it reel.

I forced open my eyes, and pulled away from him. Though he held me tighter in objection to my struggling, I was able to put a hand on his heaving chest – the pounding of his heartbeat against my palm – and stop what was happening.

There wasn't a breath of time before he moved my hand away and crashed his mouth back to mine. He thrust his tongue roughly between my lips, tasting inside and tracing my teeth. I motioned for him to stop by cupping his cheek with both hands, but he grabbed my wrists and pinned my arms at my sides.

Fear gripped me in a rush as I realized that there was no hope of breaking free. His hold on me was like iron cuffs, red hot from the fire, cinched tight around my sensitive skin.

I turned my head, breaking free of his persistent tongue, but he followed me, licking and sucking on whatever else he could reach, until I had to mumble with my mouth pressed against him.

"Jake, stop it."

He growled and latched onto the hollow of my neck, sinking his sharp teeth into the skin. I yelped in pain as he bit harder.

"Is that not what you like?" he asked, acid in his voice. "Do you not want to be bitten anymore?"

"Jacob, please! You're hurting me." Though I didn't tell him the rush of pain triggered a deeper primal response, lower in my stomach. A curious expression crossed his face, making the line around his eyes pucker.

"Then why do you want _me_?" he asked in a flurry of words. I was taken by surprise, not knowing exactly what to say or how to say it.

"I…"

"Tell me why." My face flushed beneath his intense stare. My body still mashed beneath him on the cushions. I could feel the rigid bulge that he was pushing into my crotch pulsating and twitching. "You can trust me. I can give you what you need."

"I have what I need…"

Don't I?

"No you don't. You need this. You need someone that can give you this," he said, rubbing against me. I was burning for him, and he was the heat of my inferno. The oxygen that supplied the flames as they rose higher into my heart.

"I love him," I said. A weak explanation.

"You love me, too."

"I do."

"Then let me have you. Just once more. Then… I don't know…" he trailed off. "I don't know after that, but you'll know that I'll always love you."

I squeezed my eyes shut. Thinking of nothing.

"Once."

Jacob heaved a sigh of relief and a new wave of arousal swept over me with his warm breath. I lifted my face to kiss his full lips, but his eyes went wide and he pulled his chin in, avoiding me.

"No…this is my night," he answered my silent question. "This is what I will take from you, since you've already stolen my heart."

His husky voice wrapped around me, encompassing my body with a mixture of fear and excitement. He leaned in to kiss me, letting his lips hover over mine, always teasing. I tried to connect with him, but he dodged my movements, landing on the corner of my mouth, or my chin, but always away from my lips.

I growled at his irritating little game.

"Jake, you're being childish," I argued. His eyebrows arched and a smug expression crossed his face.

"Childish? Really…?"

"Yes."

He snorted a laugh and pressed his lips to mine again. "If anyone is being childish, it's you."

I scoffed and sat up, placing my hands on his cheeks. "You're young Jacob. You're still a boy, and you still think and act like one."

His hands came up to cup over my own, and he pulled them away, squeezing my fingers together. "I'm not a boy anymore," he whispered.

"I wouldn't know it." Even though I did. Every once bruised and pleased part of me knew it.

"Then I'll prove it to you," he spat, at my challenge. His mouth crushed to mine as I was about to take a breath and speak my mind further. His hands flew into my hair, pulling on it roughly. I hitched my legs high on his waist, allowing him access. He ground against me, groaning when I pushed my hands into his pants and raked my nails across his ass.

He pulled back and looked into my eyes. Jacob's eyes burned with a passion and a desire that made my heart began to beat wildly in my chest. My hands continued up his back, dragging my nails up his back and along his neck.

"I will prove it to you." His lips crushed against mine one more time. My mind flowed through my thoughts of him and of Edward. Feeling uncertain and turned on. I finally cleared my mind and let it flow.


	6. Crashing

**Wow... I sincerely apologize for the lack of updates. But with my medical condition and then the release of Breaking Dawn, it took a while for me to finally come up with a proper ending to this story. Hopefully it was worth the wait! Let me know what you guys think!! (Edit!!- Just to let you guys know, I have created a Myspace dedicated to my writing. So if you would like to add me, just look up Veronique Christine on there, or head to my profile on here to get the direct link! And thanks again my lovelies!!)  
**

**Chapter 6: Crashing**

I wiped the sweat from my brow and swallowed the lump in my throat. My vision was blurry as I stepped foot out of the Black's house to find Quil and Embry standing next to the car. Their faces drawn tight in a look I couldn't quite identify. Possibly because I wouldn't be able to name my own expression.

Fear? Hurt?

Anger? Disgust?

I fought back the tears as my lips trembled on my words. "I need to go back."

Quil nodded his head and opened the driver's side door. "Sorry about that. I went looking for Jake and ran into Embry in the woods. By the time I got back you were all ready... Well..."

Embry shot him a look to silence him, opened the back door for me, then stood there until I approached. "You okay?" He asked, his face now filled with concern.

"I... I don't think so," My stomach quivered and I felt a bit woozy. I turned around to see the curtain fall and Jacob's shadow move beyond it. "No. I'm not." He simply nodded and helped me get in.

When the car started, I pulled my knees up to my chest and put my face in between them. It was hard to breathe that way. But it would have been hard to breathe anyway. My thoughts were whirling through my head and it was like I couldn't keep up. Every time I closed my eyes Jacob's face filled the space behind my lids. Then it would switch to Edward. Jacob. Edward. Jacob. Edward.... Edward.

A sob escaped from deep inside of my chest, tearing at my heart. I shook my head to clear Edward from my mind. To shake away the shame and the disgrace. But I only managed to fill it with events that just passed...

"I will prove it to you." He had said as his lips crushed against mine. As he kissed me I felt my heart threaten to combust. I felt that I would die if his lips left mine. He was right. I needed that fire. I needed _his_ fire.

His hands were searing the skin on my back as his long fingers worked the clasps on my bra. He yanked it down off of my shoulders, his mouth hot and delicious.

I hummed with pleasure as his hands covered my now bare breasts, squeezing them. I trembled as his lips trailed and burned their way down past my chin, my neck and across my chest. His tongue found a taut nipple and sucked it in.

I ran my hands through his hair, squirming under the heat of him. My blood was boiling through my veins as he finally worked his hands down to my jeans. I lifted my hips off of the sofa to assist him as he pulled them off of my body.

His hand covered that throbbing part of me and he pushed me back down to the cushions. Another scorching trail led down, down, down, until his face was pressed against me. Suddenly his head jerked back.

"What?" I asked breathlessly.

A look of pure disgust filled his face as he growled one word, "Him."

My mind had flashed back to just a few hours ago, when Edward had touched me in the same spot. Causing the same sensations. My heart skipped a beat and I shut my eyes tight. "Jake..." What? What could I say to him? The last thing that I wanted was for him to stop. But could I _really_ do this again?

Jacob more than answered my question for me as, with his teeth, he tore the fabric of my underwear. He shook his head and whispered, "You're mine tonight."

I felt the cool wind blow over my naked body, which was now dripping with sweat, as he sat up. Even though he was on his knees, he towered over me, the dark skin of his chest glistened in the moonlight that spilled in the windows. His hands gripped my thighs and lifted me up, then before I could even think, I felt him enter me. Pushing in so deep that I could do nothing but hold my breath, I was paralyzed. He filled my _everything _to the very brim. Feeling him tense and long and _hot_ inside that ravenous part of me.

He held on to my thighs and guided my legs around his waist. "Breathe..." He cooed as he cupped his massive hand over my cheek. I leaned into it and let my breath out in a whoosh. Jacob smiled, licked his swelling lips, then bit down on the bottom one. Then one of his hands gripped my hip, holding me up, as the other latched on to the sofa.

I whimpered as I felt him ease out of me slowly, then push back in with the same agonizingly measured speed. He continued to work his hips that way, circling slowly. Easing in and out, looking down on me. I was burning and aching and going insane under his touch.

I tried to move my hips to get him to hurry. To speed up his movements. My hands flew to my breasts, squeezing and pinching my nipples trying to increase the stimulation. Then I grabbed at his arms, chest, and waist. Suddenly I was aware of his pants still hovering there and tried urgently to push them down with my feet. He reached back and pulled them down for me and stayed my legs, with a throaty laugh. "Patience."

"I don't have any right now."

"Well, let me give you some." He grabbed my roaming hands and pulled them above my head. Putting them together so that he could latch on to my wrists, pinning them underneath his hand. The heat all ready scorching my skin. He lowered his face to mine. "I told you, this is _my_ night."

His tongue then flicked out and into my mouth. He kissed me deeply, playing with my tongue, circling it and then dragging it across my teeth as he pushed himself into me again. I moaned into his mouth and my body jerked. _Damn it_, he felt so good.

He sat back quickly and his hand locked underneath my thigh. He pushed it up and almost into my stomach. I gasped as the pain mingled with the pleasure. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as he began to pump himself into me with a little more speed.

The tiny sofa squeaked under his movements, which became more and more sporadic. Taking his time, then taking my breath away. I couldn't breathe again, and at that point I didn't care. My body seeped its pleasure out all around him. Tightening and loosening making us both moan and cry out. Finally his look of smugness turned into one of concentration. His eyes were drawn tightly, focused on the shaking of my breasts. I knew he was close.

"Jacob..." I moaned his name, immediately his dark eyes flashed to mine. I arched my body as best as I could, offering it up to him. Ready for him to take me to the place I longed to be.

With a growl, he held my gaze and let go of my hands. He pushed my other leg up, pressing me into the cushions. Panting as he pumped, growling and grasping as he began to demolish what little restraint I had left. A drop of sweat slid down the tip of his nose and into my open mouth. I tasted him, felt him, smelled him, filling up my senses. I felt myself beginning to slip.

My lips trembled and my breathing was labored. I grabbed handfuls of his hair, using all of my strength to try to pull his face down to mine. But he resisted. And then I saw why.

My hands fell to my sides as his face contorted into the one that I had come to fear since that day in the woods. His lips pulled back over his teeth in a ferocious snarl. His body began to tremble, shaking the whole of the sofa. His grip on my thighs tightened considerably, and yet he never slowed down.

But I felt no fear. I felt nothing but the unadulterated passion that threatened to rip through me at any moment. "Ooooh, God, Jake!" The tears began to stream down my face.

Suddenly, I felt him pull completely out of me, his head fell forward and the sofa shook fiercely. His hair, fell like a dark curtain surrounding his face when he looked up at me. The light from the moon revealed the pure heat that seemed to come off of his skin like steam. His eyes encased me with the deep black look of carnality.

Lost in those dark pools, my body reacted with a jolt that left my mouth hanging in an "O". My legs clenched together, my breath was stolen, and my heart seemed to stop all together. I felt the liquid oozing down from the hole that constricted and loosened, releasing its bliss. My mind spun, drifting down further into the beautiful disaster of my untruth.

Jacob quickly gained control of himself and slid his hand in between my knees. He spread my legs and entered me once again, before I could even come down. He shifted my body to the side as I continued to tremble, lost in my own wonderland. He drove himself into me, holding on to my leg.

I clutched the sofa with both hands, holding on. Our hips began to move together. Slick skin slapping against slick skin, continuing the forbidden dance that I didn't want to end. My body refused to give up its release as Jacob began to give in to his.

A snapping sound echoed under the cries of our desire. Jacob's throaty growl mingled with my screams of insanity, as he spilled into me. Our bodies slowly continued to move together until his collapsed on top of mine. Our heavy breathing was the only sound to fill the space in the empty room.

"We're here." My head snapped up as Quil's voice stopped my thoughts cold. I hadn't noticed the rain started to fall again.

I simply nodded and unfolded my limbs. I looked up in time to catch a look that passed between the two. "What?" But before either could answer, a flash of silver as we drove by made my heart twist into a brittle lump. I stared at the silver car through the rain, hating who and what I was.

"You sure you want to go in there?" Embry turned and asked when Quil parked the car.

What other choice did I have? I nodded slowly and willed myself to move. Embry hopped out and opened my car door, extending a hand to help me out. I took it and stepped out into the rain. I closed my eyes and lifted my face to the sky, feeling the water wash over me. Hoping in vain that it would wash away some of my sins. I opened them and looked towards the hospital doors.

He was standing there under the shelter. But still bathed in the showered light of the moon. His facial expression was easier to read, even in the dull light. His hands balled tightly into fists at his sides.

Embry noticed, patted, and then dropped my hand. Both he and Quil then quietly took their leave and walked past the fuming vampire and into the hospital. Edward's whole body tensed immediately.

The rain made it hard to see, and my tears made it even harder. I tried to take a step towards him, but my feet felt glued to the ground. I tried again and stumbled, having slipped in a wet oil stain, and felt the cold wet ground against my knee.

But Edward never moved. _He let me fall... _I dropped my head and forced myself to stand up. The hurt was so deep within myself, that if my vision hadn't shifted I wouldn't have known that I fell. My feet finally began to work, and I moved towards him, watching his face as I grew closer.

The last few steps felt like the longest steps of my life. It was like walking down death row, facing the fate that you know you could only avoid if you turned back time. And that was never an option.

Edward's shoulders rose and fell with the heavy labored sound of his breathing. His eyes were molten and pierced into my wretched soul. "I can smell him on you."

My mouth fell open, but all my words. Every planned form of apology fell to the ground like the rain.

"Your screams...," He seemed to choke on the word. "Were still echoing in their heads."

I want to die. I want to die. I deserve to be dead. I still couldn't find my words. My eyes welled up all over again and the tears flowed relentlessly.

Suddenly, he was directly in front of my face and my back was against the wall. His fists were placed on either side of my head, shaking with odd mixture of anger and control. He searched my face and my eyes, his brow furrowed with the intensity of his stare. His teeth gnashing in concentration. I cringed under the pressure of his eyes. He growled out of frustration. "Ironic that the only thoughts that I _need_ to hear, are barred from me. The only ones that could give me _some_ sense of sanity."

I said nothing as I stood, still cringing under his scrutiny. I jumped as one of his hands flew to hold the bridge of his nose. He was breathing heavily, looking as if he would cry if he could. I cried for him. "Edward, I'm..."

Just then his head whipped to the side, a look of shock crossing his face. My eyes traveled in the direction of his stare. Leah was turning back to the entrance of the hospital. The side of her face showed that her lips were curled into a smile. I watched her walk away under Edward's arm, confusion mixing in with my fear.

But Edward's face, shrouded in rage and a pain that cut me even deeper, clicked everything into place. The day in the forest. Her memories of Jacob's thoughts from the day on the beach. She was feeding his fury. Oh God...

Fear tore through me, but somehow I steeled myself. Ready to receive whatever was coming my way. I more than deserved it, all of it. All of the rage, hate, anger, pain. Every single cell of my body deserved to be punished.

"So... Sorry."

A snarl ripped it's way from Edward's lips and his teeth snapped just inches from my face. I jerked back knocking my head on the wall. I looked up to try to apologize again. To plead and beg... but he was gone.

"Edward!" I called out, my voice raw. "Edward, please! Just let me..."

"Let you what? Explain? Apologize?" His voice from the darkness beyond the light that I stood in, made me jump. "You..."

I waited for the rest of his sentence. Tensed for whatever he was preparing to say and searching desperately for his face in the dark. But he said no more, I wrapped my arms around myself. Afraid that he had left me again. Part of me, that once small part that had grown without my knowledge, or permission, hoped that he would. The other part screamed and raged. The two halves of me threatened to tear each other apart as I knew the decision still hadn't been made. I held on tighter to myself as I whispered into the darkness, "Edward... I can't explain. I can only apologize. And I would apologize to you for the rest of my life, but... I don't know if I'll be able to..."

Edward's figure emerged from the dark then, he was soaked through with the rain that still fell. His beautiful bronze hair plastered to his head. There was no light in his golden eyes, no smile on his lips. He crossed his arms tightly over his own chest and waited.

I wish I could clone myself. Split my divided heart down the middle and give them and myself exactly what I want. To keep them both in my life... But I knew it was more than impossible. My world with the mythical creatures was crashing down around me and there were no fairy godmothers to grant me a way out of the destruction. I would have to claw my own way through.

"Don't know if you'll be able to what?"

"I'll never be able to make this up to you. But I know in my heart that I want to be with you. But I also know that I can't let Jacob go. It's a fact that has been tearing me apart at the seams."

Edward continued to stare at me, his face unchanging. He was a statue again, not even breathing as he stood there. I felt just as cold and hard on the inside. My very soul turned to ash as the fire that was just burning consumed itself. Reducing to nothing but emptiness.

Defeat echoed in the sound of the falling rain as one piece of my heart stayed silent. My voice came out in a mere whisper. "I don't know how I can fix this."

Edward's rigid body suddenly shuddered. His lips curled back over his venomous teeth and his hands balled up against his chest, which began to heave. There was a low warning growl with each breath he took. Edward looked more like a lion than I had ever seen him before. Fear and bile rose in my throat.

"You can't fix it. You can only choose." A voice from the darkness called out.

"What in the hell are you doing here?" Edward snarled.

"I came to see my father." Jacob's tall form emerged from the trees then. The rain all but evaporating as it fell against his chest. "And her." He nodded in my direction.

My world was not only crashing down, it was breaking apart and exploding with each passing moment. I could clearly see the two halves floating on the brink of destruction. And I had no clue how to be whole again.

As Jacob emerged from the woods, my mind flew back to my last moments with him at his house. Crushed under the weight of his body and still filled, I knew then, more than ever, that I needed to make a decision...

"Tell me what you're thinking." He had whispered into my ear. His nose brushed along the curve of my neck. A small tremble flowed through me as I heard him inhale.

"I don't know what I'm thinking."

"How can you not know what you're thinking?"

"Jake, I don't know anything anymore." I turned my face towards him and placed my hand on his cheek. Jacob lifted his head and looked me in the eyes. "I thought that I knew what I wanted. Thought I knew who I loved and wanted to be with for... the rest of my existence. But I don't. Not anymore."

His eyes left mine, looking past me. The dark look on his face smoothed out into one of amusement. "I broke the couch."

"Jacob this is serious!" I scoffed incredulously. I pushed with all of my strength to get him to move.

"I know! I'm sorry." He cried sitting back. "But there is nothing that I can do about what you _know_ and _don't _know."

"That's it?"

"Yeah." He nodded simply.

"Jacob Black you are the most..." I wanted to call him every name in the book, even the ones not _in_ the book. "You're unbelievable." I pushed myself off the broken couch and stumbled unto my feet.

"Hey! Hey!" He called wrapping his arm around my waist. "Now, wait a minute."

"For what? For you to make more jokes and be more uncaring about this whole situation?" I spat trying, unsuccessfully, to free myself from his grip.

"I didn't say that I was uncaring. I do nothing _but_ care about this whole damn thing."

"Then, help me!" The tears quickly flooded my eyes as I still struggled. I felt all the life drain out of me then. Helpless and hopeless. Standing on the precipice of this self-made ruin.

Jacob spun me back around to face him. I shut my eyes tight, trying to hold in the unshed tears and not have to face whatever fact he was about to throw at me.

"Look at me," He said with a force that I could only comply with. "I have tried and I have given up, then had to deal with you smashing your way back into my life. I can't help you. I've all ready told you, so you _should_ know that I love you. Love you more than... I can't even explain. At this point you can only help yourself."

With that he let his arms fall. I stared up at him. Up at the face that I loved and feared and craved and was no closer to a decision. "What if I can't?"

"I have done nothing but stand around and wait for you to make up your mind. I love you. But I can't keep doing this. You're torn apart and so am I. So, if you don't give me an answer I'm leaving. And this time, I'm not coming back."

"But..."

"No. This is it."

"So, what? You've had me again and now you don't want me?"

"Stop putting words in my mouth!"

"'Let me have you, just once more'?" I quoted him. "Had you made up your mind then?"

"Listen..."

"No, you listen Jacob! I... I...," I stopped to take a breath. My mind was whirling and I felt dizzy and disgusting. "I am _trying_ to make a decision here."

"Well, stop trying and do it! Because I can promise you I'm gone-"

"If you want to go, then go Jacob! Make it easier on all of us!" Anger and fear made the words fly out of my mouth. _Easy_. Nothing about this situation would be easy whether he was gone or not.

A look of pain flashed across his features. Anger soon followed. "Fine! I'm gone." He hissed making a move to grab his pants, but he quickly turned back to face me. "You know what, you always cry about how I'm the unbelievable one, when it's really you! That night on the beach? When I told you to go be damned with him? I mean that, now get out."

My mouth fell open as he spat those last words into my face. I watched slack jawed as he quickly threw my clothes at me and then strode out of the room. I caught sight of his back in the darkness, the red scratches around his shoulders were all ready a light pink. Completely stunned, I was unable to find the right words to say to remedy what had just happened. I dressed in a daze and forced myself to walk out of Jacob's door, leaving him behind.

But here he was now, walking out of the darkness and into the fiery pits that I was wading in.

Jacob walked past Edward as if he weren't standing there. "I came to apologize to you. I said some harsh things-"

"Back off Jacob." Edward's voice sent a chill down my spine, but Jacob continued forward, completely ignorant of him.

"I didn't mean them. I don't want that for you. Never did and never will."

"I said back _off _Jacob." Edward growled again.

"No, you back off!" He called over his shoulder. Not even bothering to turn completely around to face him. "I love you. You _know_ that."

"Jacob, please... _Please,_ don't do this." I was so cold. I could feel my teeth chattering and my body shaking from the emptiness.

"What? He needs to know."

"I do believe that I am aware." Edward sneered, taking a step forward. "Now if you would scurry along so I can talk to my fiancé."

"Maybe that's your problem," Jacob said, still facing me. "You do more talking then you do anything else. If you acted more, she wouldn't have to come running to me."

"Jacob!" I watched with dread as a slow wicked smile spread across Jacob's face. His eyes remained on my face and I knew immediately what he was doing. "Jake! Don't!" I called to him, reaching out in vain. But I was too late.

Edward's mouth fell open and his eyes filled with sadness and pain as Jacob purposefully fed every moment- every sigh, scream, shudder and bruise that had ever occurred between us.

I lurched forward. The rain, falling even harder now, slapped against my face. I jumped at Jacob, my fists pounding against his chest.

"Stop it! Stop! You're hurting him!" I screamed at him.

Jacob's brow furrowed and his face fell with the same sadness that I saw in Edward's face. Sorrow etched in the most beautiful creations... "And you think that I'm not hurting? That I'm not in pain from all of this?"

"I'll show you pain." But before I could call out to him, Edward was in flight.

And so was I. I fell back to the muddy ground, sliding until my back was once again against the hospital wall.

"NOOO!!!" I stared in absolute horror as my worlds collided. Lightening flashed in the sky illuminating the dark scene straight from my very worst nightmares.

Jacob's body crumbled to the ground under Edward's. I heard the sickening crunch as stone met bone. Edward landed a blow to Jacob's shoulder missing his face by mere inches. Jacob's cries quickly turned into a ferocious growl. His figure shimmered and shifted beneath Edward, turning into the wolf, knocking Edward off with a blow from his muzzle.

Edward rolled away from Jacob's sharp row of teeth as he snapped at him. Jacob launched himself at Edward, teeth bared. But Edward, quick as a lion, countered and side stepped, then hurled another fist into Jacob's side. A low whine escaped his mouth as he nearly fell to the ground.

"Edward! No!" Edward bounded into the air, foot ready to connect with the area in between Jacob's shoulder blades. But Jake quickly reached back and snapped at Edward's ankle just as he came down.

Jacob bit down hard, capturing Edward's leg in his teeth. The screeching sound of metal made me cringe as with a shake of his head, he sent Edward flying into a nearby tree. That tree and the ones surrounding it, cracked in half. Shards of wood and leaves fell to the wet ground.

With a guttural yell Edward emerged, limping, from the woods. "I should have rid myself of you from the very beginning!"

An angry growl escaped from deep within Jacob's chest, as he spat a piece of Edward's leg onto the ground. My stomach lurched.

"Oh, I very well could Jacob Black. I will rip your heart right from your chest."

A warning hum and what sounded like defiance rippled through Jake. The fur on his back, despite the rain, stood straight up. The two began to circle.

"STOP IT! STOP PLEASE!" I yelled trying to pick myself up off of the ground. I thought as quickly as I could of a way to end the terrible fight, before one, or both of them lost. I scrambled for the doors of the hospital.

Just as I turned the corner, I ran right into Sam's broad chest. He took in the fight behind me and in his deep voice he yelled out an order in Quileute. Sam pushed me aside just as the pack emerged from the doors. With my back flat against the wall, the whole of them began to shudder and shift, changing into the great big wolves.

My fear was undulated and I felt paralyzed as I watched them move closer to the two halves of my heart that continued to circle dangerously about each other.

"Oh my God."

I turned to come face to face with Charlie as he and Carlisle came running out the doors. Carlisle, in a flash, was past the wolves and was now trying to restrain Edward.

"Edward! No! It's not worth it."

Edward shook Carlisle's hands off of his shoulder. "Stay out of this." The authority in his voice seemed to stretch beyond Carlisle. The volume of his tone reached my ears, which meant the command was meant for everyone. "This is between me and the pup."

A chorus of growls rumbled through the pack.

"Come on Edward! This is insanity! Think about-"

"She wasn't thinking of me!" He snapped.

My heart twisted in my chest. It shocked me that I could even feel it. Could feel that pain as I watched my life fall into despair.

A blur of movement in the rain turned into the Cullen family. They all, from brawny Emmett to tiny Alice, appeared right beside Carlisle.

"I said stay out of this!"

"Edward, it's best that you _both_," Alice said the word pointedly. "Back down from this fight. You know very well that I can't see how this will end. But I can assure you it will be _bad_."

"Bro, come on." Emmett pleaded with his brother, taking a cautious step forward.

Quil and Embry's wolf forms stepped forward, ready to engage. Jacob snapped fiercely, his head swaying from side to side.

Barely aware of him, I took a step forward. "What is going on here?" Charlie asked, as he grabbed my arm, pulling me back. Fear coated his voice.

I not only felt his fear, but my own was multiplied greatly. Everyone that I loved was here. It was a domino effect. No matter who won or lost, everyone would lose. Me especially. Me... My selfishness was back with a vengeance destroying and causing a devastating chaos. I couldn't catch my breath.

Just as Charlie tried to grab my attention, I noticed a glint of something deadly in Edward's eye. A twitch in Jacob's body. I knew right then what was coming.

I threw myself forward. Finding the strength to push Charlie aside. I had to get there. I had to stop this. I ran unsteadily through the mud, pushing headlong past the wolves and into the place where my fire and ice waged it's war. "Jake! Edward! No!" But I was too late. The two launched at each other again, colliding over my head. The sounds of destruction was loud in my ears. The most precious metal being torn while bone was being shattered. I cried out as my world, literally, came crashing down on me.

"ENOUGH!" I screamed as loudly as I could.

All the air came whooshing out of me. My eyes were shut tight and I was surrounded by darkness.


End file.
